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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Today more and more people are using mobile phone and computer. Thus, the communication ability is losing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #phone #computer #communication #ability
In the modern world,
communication
is play
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plays
show examples
 a crucial role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many situations as
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 relations between colleges.
Also
 meeting with new
people
. Nowadays some
people
 argue that if person spend their time on electronic devices. they will decrease
communication
 skills. I strongly
disagreed
Wrong verb form
disagree
show examples
 with
this
 argument because social media can enhance
communication
.
To begin
 with, many
people
 have a lot of electronic devices for
communication
.
For example
 Laptops, mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
Thus
, they can improve
communication
 when compared with traditional methods like letters. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
communication
 speed that faster than traditional
becauase
Correct your spelling
because
 they use
technology
call
Wrong verb form
called
show examples
 radio
signal
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signals
show examples
 like a mobile phone in
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
 day.
Resulting
Wrong verb form
This results
show examples
 in
people
can communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
show examples
 every time that they want by calling other
people
 and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
helping in some
relation
Replace the word
relationships
show examples
 like long-distance relationships.
In addition
, The major impact
to
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on
show examples
communication
 is
technology
 development like smartphones. One of the companies in the USA that encourage
these
Change the determiner
this technology
these technologies
show examples
technology
 is Apple company. They generate
technology
 called
Face time
Correct your spelling
FaceTime
show examples
.
This
technology
 can talk in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
realtime
Correct your spelling
real time
show examples
 and can show
Add an article
the face
show examples
face
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faces
show examples
 of
people
 when
talk
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talking
show examples
.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
 significant for many
people
 as they can meet or chat with old friends.
Although
people
 spend their attention on
electronics
Replace the word
electronic
show examples
 devices more than real situations. but can not
reduced
Change the verb form
reduce
show examples
 their
communication
 performance.
To conclude
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new technologies like smartphones or social network mobile applications assist
to enhance
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in enhancing
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
communication
by
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in
show examples
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 society. Even though, there are some limitations for social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 since
its
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 wrong
use
Replace the word
used
show examples
.
Rephrase
incorrectly.
show examples
 it is evident that the advantages side than drawbacks.
Submitted by kungslowjam on

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task achievement
Focus on constructing a clear thesis statement in your introduction that specifically addresses the prompt. This will guide your argument and make your standpoint clear.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph presents a main idea that clearly contributes to your overall argument. Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to clarify these points.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and data to support your arguments. This will make your essay stronger and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by creating clearer connections between your ideas. Use transitional phrases to link sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, summarizing your main points and reasserting your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph division and topic focus. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea with supportive examples and explanations.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Global connections
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Communication skills
  • Digital divide
  • Social networks
  • Virtual communication
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Cognitive empathy
  • Digital literacy
  • Social isolation
  • Cyber communication
  • Non-verbal cues
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
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