IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today more and more people are using mobile phone and computer. Thus, the communication ability is losing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #phone #computer #communication #ability
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In the modern world,
communication
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is play
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plays
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 a crucial role
for
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in
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 many situations as
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
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 relations between colleges.
Also
Linking Words
 meeting with new
people
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. Nowadays some
people
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 argue that if person spend their time on electronic devices. they will decrease
communication
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 skills. I strongly
disagreed
Wrong verb form
disagree
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 with
this
Linking Words
 argument because social media can enhance
communication
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.
To begin
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 with, many
people
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 have a lot of electronic devices for
communication
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.
For example
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 Laptops, mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
Thus
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, they can improve
communication
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 when compared with traditional methods like letters. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
communication
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 speed that faster than traditional
becauase
Correct your spelling
because
 they use
technology
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call
Wrong verb form
called
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 radio
signal
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signals
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 like a mobile phone in
present
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the present
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 day.
Resulting
Wrong verb form
This results
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 in
people
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can communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
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 every time that they want by calling other
people
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 and
can
Verb problem
apply
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helping in some
relation
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relationships
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 like long-distance relationships.
In addition
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, The major impact
to
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on
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communication
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 is
technology
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 development like smartphones. One of the companies in the USA that encourage
these
Change the determiner
this technology
these technologies
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technology
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 is Apple company. They generate
technology
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 called
Face time
Correct your spelling
FaceTime
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.
This
Linking Words
technology
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 can talk in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
realtime
Correct your spelling
real time
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 and can show
Add an article
the face
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face
Fix the agreement mistake
faces
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 of
people
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 when
talk
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talking
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.
Moreover
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
has
Verb problem
are
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 significant for many
people
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 as they can meet or chat with old friends.
Although
Linking Words
people
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 spend their attention on
electronics
Replace the word
electronic
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 devices more than real situations. but can not
reduced
Change the verb form
reduce
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 their
communication
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 performance.
To conclude
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,
the
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apply
show examples
new technologies like smartphones or social network mobile applications assist
to enhance
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in enhancing
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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communication
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by
Change preposition
in
show examples
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 society. Even though, there are some limitations for social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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 since
its
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 wrong
use
Replace the word
used
show examples
.
Rephrase
incorrectly.
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 it is evident that the advantages side than drawbacks.
Submitted by kungslowjam on

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task achievement
Focus on constructing a clear thesis statement in your introduction that specifically addresses the prompt. This will guide your argument and make your standpoint clear.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph presents a main idea that clearly contributes to your overall argument. Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to clarify these points.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and data to support your arguments. This will make your essay stronger and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by creating clearer connections between your ideas. Use transitional phrases to link sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, summarizing your main points and reasserting your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph division and topic focus. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea with supportive examples and explanations.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Global connections
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Communication skills
  • Digital divide
  • Social networks
  • Virtual communication
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Cognitive empathy
  • Digital literacy
  • Social isolation
  • Cyber communication
  • Non-verbal cues
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
What to do next:
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