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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Study shows that many criminals have low levels of education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison, so that they can get a job when they leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?

#study #criminals #levels #education #reason #people #crime #prison #job
The number of crimes has greatly increased in five years all over the world.If we talk about countries
such
 as Pakistan,India etc it’s seen that many young people are doing serious crime like drug dealing,killing and other street crimes
Firstly
,
education
 for individuals can really affect their future.By offering educational programs in prisons,we can give an opportunity to prisoners.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
education
 can increase their self-esteem,their knowledge and skills,and individuals can find work easily.When they have an opportunity to work,they are less likely in
criminals
Change the noun form
criminal
show examples
 activities.
Secondly
,
education
 leads to development.By engaging
educational
Change preposition
in educational
show examples
 activities,criminals can develop critical thinking,
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
,and communication skills.These abilities
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 not only in
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 but
also
 enable them to make better decisions and manage conflicts.
However
,
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 not only criminals
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
it
also
 can help break the cycle of crime by
doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
 the prisoner’s life better. So all in all,
education
 can reduce recidivism rates.When people know about life,they are more likely to work and live outside of crime.By doing
education
,we can save prisoners and
also
life’s
Change noun form
the lives
show examples
 of residents.
Educate
Wrong verb form
Educating
show examples
 prisoners can increase their hope,
motivation
Correct word choice
and motivation
show examples
 and I hope we
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 make positive changes.
Submitted by 6atb8k on

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task achievement
You have a solid foundation, but your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines your position. Make sure your introduction briefly states your argument to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more distinctly with clear paragraphs for each main point. Ensure each paragraph has a topic sentence that introduces the point, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that ties back to the thesis.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples and data to support your statements. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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