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Writing Samples
Band 5

Museums are often thought to be boring, and many people perceive visiting them a waste of time. What do you think is the importance of museums, and how can they be made intersting?

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Nowadays, there are only a few
people
Use synonyms
 that still
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 regularly for entertainment or educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 most likely happens because
museums
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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no longer
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 the same existence as it was in
2000s
Change the article
the 2000s
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. Most of the productive population in
this
Linking Words
 era is
generation
Capitalize word
Generation
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 Z, the generation that has
the
Add a missing verb
had the
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 privilege
to be
Change preposition
of being
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 introduced to
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and globalization since they were young. Their experiences shaped how they see the world and how they behave.
For instance
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, their perspective towards gaining knowledge is as simple as
open
Replace the word
opening
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 a Google tab
in
Change preposition
on
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 their phone, which is the opposite
way
Use synonyms
 to the older generation who believe that knowledge can
be obtain
Change the verb form
be obtained
show examples
 through live
experience
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.
That is
Linking Words
one
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 of many factors that make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museums
Use synonyms
 never been
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's to-go list, even going for a visit has
considered
Add a missing verb
been considered
show examples
monotonous
Correct article usage
a monotonous
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activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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 and nearly a waste of time.
To
Change preposition
In
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 my point of view, visiting
museums
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 can not be replaced with any other possible
way
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, let alone browsing through the internet. There is
one
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 saying, "A good society is the
one
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 who always
remember
Change the verb form
remembers
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 their
history
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" and
one
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way
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 to remember
history
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 is through visiting
museums
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.
Museums
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still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
 the best place to learn
history
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 and culture because it is the only place where things
are preserve
Change the verb form
are preserved
show examples
 with
a
Remove the article
apply
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high maintenance. Through visiting
museums
Use synonyms
, we can
also
Linking Words
 help to preserve our
history
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 and culture
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 remembering what knowledge we obtain there. At present, I noticed that
people
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start
Wrong verb form
have started
show examples
 to make visiting
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
something that we can look into in our leisure time. There are a lot of
museums
Use synonyms
 that
free
Add a missing verb
are free
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
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 charge for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visit and the information
also
Linking Words
became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 more accessible to
teh
Correct your spelling
the
 society. With the
emerge
Replace the word
emergence
show examples
 of art
museums
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, it is
also
Linking Words
 a delightful
way
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 to introduce
museums
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 to
people
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 with no
experience
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 in visiting
museums
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.
Moreover
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, it is
also
Linking Words
 advisable to provide a live
experience
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 for the visitors.
To begin
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, we don't need a high-technology invention to make the visitors feel involved. Providing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fun activities
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also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 a good choice to give them a new
experience
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,
such
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 as
notes-writing
Correct your spelling
note-writing
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, painting,
clay-art
Correct your spelling
clay art
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, and so on.
Besides
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, for
history
Use synonyms
museums
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, it is recommended to always provide a visualization of the story
such
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 as using a video, performance art or even as simple as a QR code to scan for
an additional information
Remove the article
additional information
a piece of additional information
show examples
.
To sum up
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, the existence of
museums
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 is
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
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. Our
history
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 and culture will no longer be seen in a few years if we do not pay attention to it. By visiting
museums
Use synonyms
, we are not only learning a new thing but
also
Linking Words
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 to preserve the old days. As we are a part of
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 society, we can
also
Linking Words
 use it as a
way
Use synonyms
 to promote the importance of visiting
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
. It will be even more interesting if we can create
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
content about how fun it is to visit a
museum
Use synonyms
.

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Introduction Improvement
Start by introducing the topic more directly, stating clearly what the essay will discuss. This will make your introduction more effective.
Paragraph Structure
Ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Avoid mixing multiple ideas in one paragraph to improve clarity.
Cohesion Enhancement
Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., however, therefore, in addition) to link ideas more smoothly and clearly throughout the essay. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Task response could be improved by ensuring you fully address the prompt by discussing not only the importance of museums but also suggesting more detailed and diverse ways they can be made interesting.
Example Diversification
Incorporate more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more engaging for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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