IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that death penalty is the only way to decrease the rate of crime. while others believe that there are other better ways. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

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In modern society,
increasing
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an increasing
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 number of people have differing ideas as regards
to
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apply
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the
death
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penalty
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 as a sole diminisher of
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crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 rate. One side believes that
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death
Correct article usage
the death
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penalty
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 is the only method to decrease
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crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 rate
while
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 others argue that there are better ways
for reaching
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to reach
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 the same ultimate goal.
However
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, I would argue that the
death
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penalty
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 would be
worse
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a worse
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 choice. On one hand, people who are in
favor
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favour
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 of the
death
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penalty
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 believe it is the most vital tool to prevent any future
crimes
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, saying the fear of facing capital punishment serves as a powerful instrument, blocking individuals from engaging in
crimes
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.
This
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 effect is associated with the severity of the punishment, which sends a clear message to the community that the
crime
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 will not be tolerated.
Moreover
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, it is generally believed that
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death
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the death
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penalty
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 can provide a sense of justice for victims and their families, especially in instances of
crimes
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 where the most damage is done psychologically rather than
physical
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physically
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 or
financial
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financially
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.
On the other hand
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, some people, including me, believe that despite the
death
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penalty
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 may give a sense of justice to some, its flaws and ethical dilemmas
makes
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make
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 the exploration of alternative approaches to
crime
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 reduction necessary. Investing in education and rehabilitation programs for criminals can help us find actual reasons that end up with criminal activity.
Also
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, the effectiveness of the
death
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penalty
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 as a discouragement tool is
very
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a very
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 debatable topic. Most statistics have proven that its effect on
crime
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 rates is various in different countries.
Furthermore
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, in cases of wrongful conviction, the ethical side of executing a potentially innocent person arouses serious concerns. In conclusion, considering the dangers of
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death
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the death
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penalty
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 and other means of preventing
crimes
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, I have come to the conclusion that the
crime
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 rate could be diminished without the active involvement of
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death
Correct article usage
the death
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penalty
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.

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task achievement
Develop your arguments with more detailed examples. Many points are mentioned generally without any specific proof or study to support it. Consider adding statistics, real-life cases, or authoritative sources to reinforce your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on the paragraphing and transition between ideas for better readability. While your essay does have a structure, some paragraphs seem to jump from one idea to another rather abruptly. Utilize transition phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' 'On the other hand,' etc., to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within it contribute to that main idea. This will also help in maintaining a logical structure throughout your essay.
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