IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Each government and authority gave funding to art society; however, some people including me are strongly of the opinion that this is a type of wasting money and it is not profitable action that all social class can use it.

#government #authority #art #society #people #type #money #action #class
Each government and authority gave funding to
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 society;
however
, some
people
 including me are strongly of the opinion that
this
 is a type of
wasting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
money and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not
profitable
Correct article usage
a profitable
show examples
 action that all social
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 can use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Arts are the highest form of entertainment.
People
 are used to working
artistic
Replace the word
on art
show examples
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 their pastime, so
art
 is not a priority
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Also
, only a limited percentage of
people
 have been interested in
art
, on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
art
 and having artistic activity is a selective act.
As a result
,
art
 is not
action
Add an article
an action
the action
show examples
 that all citizens can benefit from it.
For example
, only a few
people
 are musically gifted and may be successful in
this
 way or
just
Rephrase
only
show examples
 a specific part of
people
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 to participate in some places with artistic
atmosphere
Fix the agreement mistake
atmospheres
show examples
 like exhibitions,
theater
Correct word choice
and theater
show examples
.
Having improvement
Unnecessary verb
Improvement
show examples
 in healthcare services and educational systems are two major aims for achieving a successful society. So, the government should fund more in these
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 rather than in
art
 venues to increase the rate of both physical and mental health of their
people
,
also
by update
Change preposition
updating
show examples
 the methods of education can boost the level of intelligence and knowledge among all citizens. In conclusion, I believe that the government have to spend money to enhance the quality of health and education facilities
instead
 of
art
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 all
people
 have access to benefit from these.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement, ensure your response fully addresses the question, expanding on your ideas with more depth and nuance. Try adding a broader range of arguments and counterarguments to make your stance clearer and more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Increase the clarity of your ideas by linking them more explicitly, both within and between paragraphs. Consider using a wider range of transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Support your main points with a wider variety of examples and evidence. Specific, detailed examples help to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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