Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
countries
Use synonyms
provide
government funded
Add a hyphen
government-funded
show examples
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
whilst other
countries
Use synonyms
allow private organizations to run the medical service. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
private healthcare has
drawbacks
Correct quantifier usage
more drawbacks
show examples
than positive outcomes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
that
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
of private medical
services
Use synonyms
outweigh the advantages.
Forthcoming
Add an article
A forthcoming
show examples
article will discuss the facts to prove my perspective. On the one hand, Free
health
Use synonyms
care is provided in some
countries
Use synonyms
including Canada.
This
Linking Words
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
individuals
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
fulfilling life
consequently
Linking Words
leading
countries
Use synonyms
to have strong economies.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
if a certain nation
focus
Change the verb form
focuses
show examples
on
generaing
Correct your spelling
generating
revenue through medical
services
Use synonyms
residents might focus on migrating to other places in the world. Records show that Americans migrate to Canada to give birth because of the
afoordability
Correct your spelling
affordability
of
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when the private sector dominates the medical field they tend to build a monopoly. They will control the price of the
services
Use synonyms
and medication. Private
health
Use synonyms
service
providers
Change noun form
providers'
provider's
show examples
motive is to generate revenue.
Hence
Linking Words
, there will be an upward trend for medical
expences
Correct your spelling
expenses
show examples
and the prices will escalate rapidly making human lives harder. If a country wants to make profits on healthcare they can allow beauty medical
services
Use synonyms
to have private practice. But not for essential
services
Use synonyms
. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example
theres
Correct your spelling
there's
there
a trend among women travelling to Korea to get plastic surgeries performed.
This
Linking Words
generates income for Korea.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
that letting independent organizations
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
control the medical care industry is degrading the living standards of their residents.
However
Linking Words
,
countries
Use synonyms
can allow certain areas of
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
to private practice in order to make profits.
Submitted by dip18thilini on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Work on developing a clear, concise introduction that directly addresses the question, stating your opinion clearly.
Task Achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that each idea is thoroughly explained and supported with specific examples or evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, transition words) and making the relationship between ideas clearer.
Coherence and Cohesion
Refine your conclusion to clearly summarize your argument and reiterate your stance on the topic, ensuring it is connected back to the introduction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit-making companies
  • medical services
  • public healthcare systems
  • state-of-the-art facilities
  • personalized care
  • innovation and efficiency
  • equity and access
  • public institutions
  • healthcare disparity
  • accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: