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Band 2.5

With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressures #today’s #people #subjects #school #eg #education #cookery #syllabus #children
Nowadays, few people think that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not important and it is better to be eliminated from the syllabus.
This
 thought comes
as a result
 of the pressure addressed to
Add an article
the youngster
a youngster
show examples
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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 that they have to achieve academic
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
. I strongly disagree with
this
 view because it will reduce the advantage have made when the non-academic is still in the syllabus
Firstly
, every individual has their own interest and reducing
Correct article usage
the subject
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 available at school could lead them to learn something they were not enjoyed.
Moreover
, it will
decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
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 willingness to study because they are being forced and could
made
Change the verb form
make
be made
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their
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 perform badly in class.
Secondly
, decreasing
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 could reduce the amount of people exposed in
this
 area of work.
Hence
, workers needed in
this
 field must have to learn
specialized
Add an article
the specialized
a specialized
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 of work in additional
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 to achieve
standard
Add an article
a standard
the standard
show examples
 of operation to work.
For example
,
non academic
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non-academic
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 might be fired and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployed
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 have to learn academic subjects in order to get back their job as a teacher.
Thirdly
,
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 tend to be not as
imprortan
Correct your spelling
important
 as academic
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 since it is not in the same syllabus. It could
made
Change the verb form
make
be made
show examples
person
Correct article usage
the person
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 job
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
degraded and wages are not appropriate.
Submitted by pocutarifahzahrina on

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Use of Examples
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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