IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressures #today’s #people #subjects #school #eg #education #cookery #syllabus #children
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Nowadays, few people think that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not important and it is better to be eliminated from the syllabus.
This
Linking Words
 thought comes
as a result
Linking Words
 of the pressure addressed to
Add an article
the youngster
a youngster
show examples
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 that they have to achieve academic
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view because it will reduce the advantage have made when the non-academic is still in the syllabus
Firstly
Linking Words
, every individual has their own interest and reducing
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the subject
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 available at school could lead them to learn something they were not enjoyed.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will
decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 willingness to study because they are being forced and could
made
Change the verb form
make
be made
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 perform badly in class.
Secondly
Linking Words
, decreasing
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 could reduce the amount of people exposed in
this
Linking Words
 area of work.
Hence
Linking Words
, workers needed in
this
Linking Words
 field must have to learn
specialized
Add an article
the specialized
a specialized
show examples
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 of work in additional
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 to achieve
standard
Add an article
a standard
the standard
show examples
 of operation to work.
For example
Linking Words
,
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 might be fired and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployed
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 have to learn academic subjects in order to get back their job as a teacher.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 tend to be not as
imprortan
Correct your spelling
important
 as academic
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 since it is not in the same syllabus. It could
made
Change the verb form
make
be made
show examples
person
Correct article usage
the person
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 job
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
degraded and wages are not appropriate.
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Introduction Clarity
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Use of Examples
Develop each main point with specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument. Abstract statements reduce the impact of your claims.
Linking & Cohesion
Work on logical flow between and within paragraphs. Use linking words effectively to improve cohesion.
Task Response Relevance
Respond directly to the task question throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph contributes something relevant to your argument or standpoint.
Grammar & Spelling
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Errors can distract and confuse the reader, undermining your argument's effectiveness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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