With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressures #today’s #people #subjects #school #eg #education #cookery #syllabus #children

Nowadays, few people think that

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

not important and it is better to be eliminated from the syllabus.

This

thought comes

as a result

of the pressure addressed to

Add an article

the youngster

a youngster

show examples

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

that they have to achieve academic

succeed

Replace the word

success

show examples

. I strongly disagree with

this

view because it will reduce the advantage have made when the non-academic is still in the syllabus

Firstly

, every individual has their own interest and reducing

Correct article usage

the subject

show examples

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

available at school could lead them to learn something they were not enjoyed.

Moreover

, it will

decreased

Wrong verb form

decrease

show examples

students

Change noun form

students'

student's

show examples

willingness to study because they are being forced and could

made

Change the verb form

make

be made

show examples

their

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

perform badly in class.

Secondly

, decreasing

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

could reduce the amount of people exposed in

this

area of work.

Hence

, workers needed in

this

field must have to learn

specialized

Add an article

the specialized

a specialized

show examples

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

of work in additional

class

Fix the agreement mistake

classes

show examples

to achieve

standard

Add an article

a standard

the standard

show examples

of operation to work.

For example

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

teacher

Fix the agreement mistake

teachers

show examples

might be fired and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unemployed

teacher

Fix the agreement mistake

teachers

show examples

have to learn academic subjects in order to get back their job as a teacher.

Thirdly

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

tend to be not as

imprortan

Correct your spelling

important

as academic

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

since it is not in the same syllabus. It could

made

Change the verb form

make

be made

show examples

person

Correct article usage

the person

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

this

job

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

degraded and wages are not appropriate.

Submitted by pocutarifahzahrina on Sat Mar 02 2024

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Use of Examples

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Linking & Cohesion

Work on logical flow between and within paragraphs. Use linking words effectively to improve cohesion.

Task Response Relevance

Respond directly to the task question throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph contributes something relevant to your argument or standpoint.

Grammar & Spelling

Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Errors can distract and confuse the reader, undermining your argument's effectiveness.

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

209 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.