IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

some people believe that the goverment should spend money on to creat more art, such as paintings and statues in cities to make better place to live. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #goverment #money #creat #art #paintings #statues #cities #place
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Beautifying metropolitan has become a ubiquitous presence of city councils' responsibilities.
Although
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 some individuals contend that cities should be as magnificent as they can be, others argue that the budget can be spent on other services
such
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 as improving transport modes. I partly agree with the second view. Looking at the proponent's approach
first,
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what can make a town more marvellous to live in is definitely the city overlook which is seen as plenty of developed-countries' megacities by which the government would take advantage of absorbing tourists.
Furthermore
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, installing splendid sculptures or constructing a myriad of monuments lets people enjoy the dwelling of the hustle and bustle of the city; meanwhile, some of these statues can present specific citizens who make the town proud through their works, services and sacrifices.
On the other hand
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, based on the opponent's viewpoint, and what I agree with it is allocating
this
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 budget to improve slums' inhabitants' standard of living, particularly in which needy people are living under the poverty line.
Moreover
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, It is noticeable to expand both public gardens and parks by purchasing nearby real states and altering them into parts of gardens.
Last
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 but not least, the more currency is spent on these unnecessary things, the less budget is left to build hospitals, schools and universities which seem more either productive or imperative for communities.
To conclude
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, even though implementing
such
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 decorative things to embellish metropolises sounds like a brilliant idea, the efficiency of
this
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 scheme is not worth investing in as a long-term initiative.
Submitted by amirhossein7179 on

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task achievement
Enhance your introduction by clearly stating your standpoint, to make it evident whether you 'agree' or 'disagree' with the given statement. Your introduction sets the stage for your argument, so it’s crucial to be explicit.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more specific examples. Demonstrating your points with tangible examples helps the reader understand the practical implications of your arguments and strengthens your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning more smoothly between paragraphs. Use linking phrases and ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. This will improve the overall cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Revise your conclusion to summarize your main points more distinctly and restate your opinion more strongly. A well-defined conclusion leaves the reader with a clear understanding of your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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