The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in school programs?

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vocabulary: crucial, developed emotionally, mandatory, curriculum, enhance student well-being, In society nowadays, the arts (music,

art

Use synonyms

, theatre)

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

still seen as crucial by the

people

Use synonyms

. I believe that

this

Linking Words

is the case since many

people

Use synonyms

are positively engaged in

this

Linking Words

related activity,

therefore

Linking Words

it should be taught in

school

Use synonyms

institution

Fix the agreement mistake

institutions

show examples

. Regarding

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

this

Linking Words

, I believe that

art

Use synonyms

, especially music, is still highly sought after by

people

Use synonyms

in general. Many adolescents are having a future

plan

Fix the agreement mistake

plans

show examples

by becoming

Change preposition

to become

show examples

well-known

singer

Fix the agreement mistake

singers

show examples

, which is the exact reason why

this

Linking Words

industry always

seem

Correct subject-verb agreement

seems

show examples

to have endless talents.

Besides

Linking Words

adoration and its social status, music is seen as a way to unite

people

Use synonyms

as it conveys positivity and hope, despite the different

background

Fix the agreement mistake

backgrounds

show examples

and languages that the

people

Use synonyms

faced

Wrong verb form

face

show examples

This

Linking Words

could be seen in a concert,

for

Linking Words

example

Add the comma(s)

example,

show examples

Coldplay, who could always

sold

Change the verb form

sell

be sold

show examples

out their ticket in every

countries

Change to a singular noun

country

show examples

they have their gig on.

This

Linking Words

way of life and positive culture of appreciating

art

Use synonyms

should be continued. Whilst many

people

Use synonyms

are able to learn it outside of

school

Use synonyms

, I believe formal

institution

Fix the agreement mistake

institutions

show examples

should be a place to nurture students' interest in

art

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

subject is supposed to be mandatory

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since it is highly necessary yet unfortunately not sufficiently addressed in the curriculum worldwide. In Indonesia,

for example

Linking Words

, it has to be taught in elementary,

however

Linking Words

becoming

Wrong verb form

become

show examples

optional

Correct article usage

an optional

show examples

course in high

school

Use synonyms

. By giving

art

Use synonyms

an equal time in the learning process, it would

give

Verb problem

have

show examples

positive

Correct article usage

a positive

show examples

impact by enhancing student well-being and developing student emotional quotient. In conclusion, I believe that the arts are still highly enjoyed by the

people

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

most

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

way of life, nurturing

art

Use synonyms

through

school

Use synonyms

should be an option as it brings positive influence for the students.

aldawinonazSat Mar 02 2024

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introduction

Consider opening your essay with a stronger thesis statement that clearly outlines your stance on the matter and the points you will discuss. This sets a clearer direction for your essay.

body paragraphs

In the body paragraphs, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single argument or point. Present your idea, follow it with a detailed explanation or example, and then link it back to the question. This will enhance clarity and coherence.

vocabulary

Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. While your vocabulary is generally appropriate, greater variety and precision can result in a more persuasive and engaging essay.

coherence and cohesion

Work on your essay structure to ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use linking phrases to create better flow and help your reader understand how your ideas connect.

conclusion

In your conclusion, succinctly summarize your argument and restate your stance. Make sure it is distinct from the introduction and provides a clear resolution to your discussion.

examples

Use specific examples to support your points whenever possible. These examples should clearly relate to the topic and demonstrate the significance of the arts in modern society and education.

task response

To strengthen task achievement, ensure that every part of the question is addressed thoroughly. In your essay, you covered both questions, but expanding on how and why the arts enhance student well-being and emotional development would make your argument stronger.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

288 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Creativity
Critical thinking
Emotional literacy
Social skills
Cultural awareness
Appreciation
Inclusive
Therapeutic benefits
Stress relief
Economic benefits
Cultural economy
Creative fields
Modern lifestyles
School curricula
Cultural appreciation

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The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in society.  Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles?  Should the arts be included in school programs?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

With the technological development, some people think technology reduce crime, but some people think it encourage crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree and give your own opinion

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in school programs?