The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in school programs?
vocabulary: crucial, developed emotionally, mandatory, curriculum, enhance student well-being,
In society nowadays, the arts (music,
art
, theatre) is
still seen as crucial by the Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
. I believe that this
is the case since many people
are positively engaged in this
related activity, therefore
it should be taught in school
institution
.
Regarding Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
to
Remove the preposition
apply
this
, I believe that art
, especially music, is still highly sought after by people
in general. Many adolescents are having a future plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
by becoming
well-known Change preposition
to become
singer
, which is the exact reason why Fix the agreement mistake
singers
this
industry always seem
to have endless talents. Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
Besides
adoration and its social status, music is seen as a way to unite people
as it conveys positivity and hope, despite the different background
and languages that the Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
people
faced
. Wrong verb form
face
This
could be seen in a concert, for
example
Coldplay, who could always Add the comma(s)
example,
sold
out their ticket in every Change the verb form
sell
be sold
countries
they have their gig on.
Change to a singular noun
country
This
way of life and positive culture of appreciating art
should be continued. Whilst many people
are able to learn it outside of school
, I believe formal institution
should be a place to nurture students' interest in Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
art
. This
subject is supposed to be mandatory,
since it is highly necessary yet unfortunately not sufficiently addressed in the curriculum worldwide. In Indonesia, Remove the comma
apply
for example
, it has to be taught in elementary, however
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
optional
course in high Correct article usage
an optional
school
. By giving art
an equal time in the learning process, it would give
Verb problem
have
positive
impact by enhancing student well-being and developing student emotional quotient.
In conclusion, I believe that the arts are still highly enjoyed by the Correct article usage
a positive
people
. While
this
be
most Correct subject-verb agreement
is
people
way of life, nurturing Change noun form
people's
art
through school
should be an option as it brings positive influence for the students.Submitted by aldawinonaz on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction
Consider opening your essay with a stronger thesis statement that clearly outlines your stance on the matter and the points you will discuss. This sets a clearer direction for your essay.
body paragraphs
In the body paragraphs, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single argument or point. Present your idea, follow it with a detailed explanation or example, and then link it back to the question. This will enhance clarity and coherence.
vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. While your vocabulary is generally appropriate, greater variety and precision can result in a more persuasive and engaging essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your essay structure to ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use linking phrases to create better flow and help your reader understand how your ideas connect.
conclusion
In your conclusion, succinctly summarize your argument and restate your stance. Make sure it is distinct from the introduction and provides a clear resolution to your discussion.
examples
Use specific examples to support your points whenever possible. These examples should clearly relate to the topic and demonstrate the significance of the arts in modern society and education.
task response
To strengthen task achievement, ensure that every part of the question is addressed thoroughly. In your essay, you covered both questions, but expanding on how and why the arts enhance student well-being and emotional development would make your argument stronger.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example