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Band 1.5

Sports is one of the most important draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sports on television is to blame for the poor health of young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#sports #television #people #practice #health #generation #activity
Sport
 is extremely popular almost all over the world as it is one of the significant activities that can attract both adults and young
people
. It helps to improve physical abilities and
also
 it allows
people
feel
Fix the infinitive
to feel
show examples
 positive and energetic. But some
people
 prefer just watching
sport
 on TV because it is less time-consuming and it saves energy as well. I can feel okay if the spectators are adult
people
 but when it comes to
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation I feel negative about it.
Young
Correct article usage
The young
show examples
 generation should take part in active
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 events and occasions,
thus
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 physical skills of themselves through
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
. I am
Submitted by ali_naz on

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task achievement
The essay lacks an introduction that clearly states your position on the topic. Opening with a statement of your opinion assists the reader in understanding your perspective from the beginning.
task achievement
Including a conclusion that summarises your main points and restates your opinion in light of the evidence presented strengthens your argument. This was missing in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Develop your essay into cohesive paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. Use topic sentences to introduce the idea of each paragraph, followed by explanations and examples.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. Refer to studies, statistics, or personal anecdotes to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using transitional words and phrases. This will help to guide the reader through your argument in a clearer manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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