Many believe that living in a city offers greater benefits compared to life in the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some argue that residing in urban
areas
has greater advantages than rural areas
. This
essay completely disagrees with this
statement because living in urban areas
has more disadvantages, such
as extreme pollution and excessive traffic
compared to rural areas
.
The city has more job opportunities than the countryside, however
, one of its drawbacks is pollution. The significant number of vehicles in cities has made the air extremely polluted. And inhaling this
can have detrimental effects on people's health. There is a high chance that they will acquire respiratory and heart disease. For instance
, most traffic
enforcers in Manila have chronic obstructive pulmonary disease because they are consistently exposed to the polluted air in the city. Thus
, living in the city is not as advantageous as what others assume.
In addition
to that, traffic
congestion is one of the major problems in the cities. And this
has a great impact in
a person's life. Because of Change preposition
on
this
, commuting to and from work can take up to hours. This
inconvenience consumes their time. The time that is
meant to be spent with family is wasted in traffic
. For example
, people living in Metro Manila are spending two hours on the road in order to reach their workplace and another two hours in order to get home. This
problem can lead to a decrease in productivity.
In conclusion, people living in the metropolitan area can face problems, such
as air pollution and traffic
jam. Therefore
, I believe that its disadvantages are higher compared to its advantages.Submitted by yoko.onerom on
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Task Achievement
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear stance. However, it would be beneficial to further elaborate on the advantages of living in the countryside to strengthen the argument and provide a more balanced perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas more effectively by using paragraphing to clearly distinguish between different points. Additionally, linking words and phrases should be used more consistently to improve the flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
Including specific, detailed examples to support each main point can greatly strengthen your arguments. Consider adding more data, statistics, or personal anecdotes to support your claims about the disadvantages of urban living.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revisit the introduction and conclusion to ensure they mirror each other more closely, reinforcing your main points and stance for a stronger, more cohesive argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?