Some people think that economy progress is the only way to measure a country's success, while others think that there are other factors which can be used to measure a country's success. What are these factors? Which, of all factors,do you think are most important?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Since the dawn of modern technology, statistics have been gathered to compare the success rates of various countries.
This
is a predictable turnabout, being the result of a need in human nature. Many believe that the economy is the greatest means to measure
this
.
However
, there are many important factors that have to be considered
such
as
education
, happiness and stability in improvement which is the most significant
one
from the writer's point of view.
To begin
with,
one
major aspect of the modern world is the
education
level which
one
holds.
It is clear that
education
is the most significant contributor to the progress which can be made.
For instance
, it can be seen that the progress of the USA has been on the same trend as the expansion of their educational facilities.
However
, it has to be considered that many students will leave a country after their graduation.
This
factor renders the
education
system less effective which reduces the importance of
this
point. On a separate note, advancements in tech have made room for the quantified measurements of some mental aspects.
One
of the most well-known examples of
such
stats is the happiness level that many establishments are recording. If these numbers are studied correctly, it can result in a good estimation of the quality of life that people have.
While
that is
correct, many other factors play a role in a person's feeling of contentment in life,
for example
, the culture of local people or the belief system.
As a result
, the element mentioned cannot be the defining aspect.
Lastly
, recent studies have been targeting a compound aspect named growth stability. It should not be overlooked that growth is the main goal of humanity. The more surges people see through their lifetime, the more intrigued they feel to go on. Whilst
this
stands true, Earth can only facilitate so much gain during a short span.
This
means that the advancement of a country is entangled with many environmental aspects as well. All of the mentioned points produce the named factor.
Consequently
,
this
includes a number of key elements that must be considered. In conclusion,
although
there are many factors that can be considered in today's world, most of them do not paint the whole picture resulting in a misinterpretation
instead
of a clear understanding. Between all these, I firmly believe that growth stability is the most suitable
one
.
Submitted by mohammad.bameri.1380 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To improve in coherence and cohesion, ensure that paragraphs are well-structured and clearly linked with appropriate use of discourse markers. Transition sentences could be employed more effectively to enhance logical flow. Consider revising the essay to include clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to provide a better guide for the reader.
Task Achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, your essay must fully address all parts of the task. While the introduction broadly addresses the prompt, ensure to clarify your stance more explicitly. Your examples lack specificity and could be more relevant to the points made. Include more detailed and concrete examples to effectively support your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: