IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say that the best of improve road safety is to icrease the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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As the world advances, vehicles have become the primary means of transportation. It is agreed that the most effective way for road safety to be improved is to raise the official driving age bar. Analyzing the fact that maturity would enhance the strict abidance of driving rules and, that teens would not understand the gravity of a fatal accident will give an in-depth understanding of
this
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 topic.
To begin
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 with, being an adult increases an individual's ability to comprehend expressway driving rules.
For example
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, In Enugu state kids who learned to drive at an early stage were completely ignorant of the road signs, so they were banned from driving until they turned 22 years old. Clearly, they could have strictly adhered to highway signs if they were adults.
Therefore
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,
this
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 clearly shows that a child will not obey traffic rules.
Furthermore
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, a kid does not understand the consequences of a fatal accident.
For instance
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, in Nigeria a few years ago, a 15-year-old drove his mother's car onto the expressway at high speed and crashed directly into a heavy truck. Many people died instantly and the injured were rushed to the hospital. Sadly, those lives could have been saved if the boy had been older and clearly understood the outcome of
such
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 a tragedy.
Hence
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,
this
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 proves that an under-aged person is incapable of understanding the grave consequences of an accident. In conclusion, it is supported by a lot of individuals that for transport safety to be improved, the age limit for driving should be raised higher since minors have little knowledge of the possible outcome of a motorcycle crash and adults can never be ignorant of driving signposts.
Thus
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, it is obvious that countless lives would be saved if the government would implement
this
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 law immediately.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your logical structure, try to ensure a smooth flow between paragraphs. Use transitional words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. This will help readers follow the argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Including both an introduction and conclusion is good practice. To further improve, ensure your conclusion does more than restate the introduction; it should also summarize your argument's key points and offer a final perspective on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Supporting your main points with specific examples is excellent for developing your argument. To elevate this, ensure that your examples are not only relevant but also diverse. Consider adding statistics, expert opinions, or personal anecdotes to provide a richer context.
task achievement
Your essay nicely addresses the topic and provides a clear stance, which is excellent for task achievement. To further solidify your response, ensure that you answer all parts of the task fully. Consider exploring counter-arguments or additional reasons to reinforce your position.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and comprehensive, aiming for more nuanced and complex expressions can enhance the sophistication of your essay. Try to explore ideas in-depth or from multiple perspectives to add complexity.
task achievement
Using relevant and specific examples strengthens your argument. To improve, ensure that your examples are detailed and fully explored. This not only demonstrates knowledge but also adds credibility to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mature
  • responsible
  • accidents
  • emotional maturity
  • road conditions
  • hazards
  • impulsive behavior
  • risk assessment
  • inexperienced drivers
  • driver education
  • road safety measures
  • driver training programs
  • stricter testing
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • automated driving systems
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