many people believe that family has the strongest influence on a child's development, while others believe that external factors such as televisions, friends and music play a big role. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many schools of thought discuss the biggest influence on
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
upbringing concerns internal factors
such
as family.
Whereas
others
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
that the roles played by external sources like social circles, or streaming services
such
as music or TV, influence their growth
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a larger
escale
Correct your spelling
scale
escalate
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss both of these views, and state beforehand that the familial factor corresponds to the major influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
a childs'
show examples
childs'
Change noun form
child's
show examples
development
.
Firstly
, the family environment is the first
ambiance
Change the spelling
ambience
show examples
faced by
children
. The behaviour and demeanor of
children
usually
mirrors
Change the verb form
mirror
show examples
perfectly the
dynamics
of their family members.
This
first stage of
development
is crucial for profiling role models and
internalize
Wrong verb form
internalising
show examples
social values and ethics
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
by their
parents
,
as well as
examples of conduct
according to
their parental figures. Studies, conducted by VOX, proved that nine in ten
children
reflected their family customs and manners in external places
such
as school or leisure groups and activities.
In addition
, when asked about their future prospects, most of them pointed out their will to pursue similar paths as their
parents
.
Furthermore
, external roles may steer
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
upbringing in a considerable way, still, it is not as remarkable contrasted with the one played by family. The input offered,
for example
, by television shows
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
certain stages or
aid
Fix the agreement mistake
aids
show examples
for circumstances in
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
demeanor or personality. Whether it could be
due to
the main character's personalities; certain
dynamics
or responses represented by these
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
, are likely absorbed by
children
, who could potentially mimic
such
. To illustrate, a social experiment conducted by the Primary Education department in Irvine, California, depicted the
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
characters of their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
cartoons.
However
,
according to
this
study, the remark that these
programms
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
leave on
children
is temporary
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and could
dissapear
Correct your spelling
disappear
as they grow in age.
Consequently
, as stated before,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family interaction plays a paramount role in
minors
Change noun form
minors'
minor's
show examples
upbringing. The framework of family
dynamics
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the first stages of life could determine an entire
children
Change noun form
child's
show examples
future. Recent studies made by the American Psychology Union
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
concluded that most of the psychological responses and
copying
Correct your spelling
coping
show examples
mechanisms of adults were rooted and born in childhood events. Demonstrating the important and remarkable
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
parents
, for their
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
rise and
development
. In conclusion, the discussion of external factors
such
as social circles or television
programms
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
, could affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a minor scale than the family factor, which constitutes the foundation of a
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
development
. Social interactions, personality
Add the comma(s)
, as well as the nuances of children in general,
show examples
as well as
the nuances of
children
in general are a direct reflection of parental education and role
modeling
Change the spelling
modelling
show examples
at their respective homes. In order to build and understand society
dynamics
conveys
parents
'
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
for a
councius
Correct your spelling
conscious
council
councils
and healthy
upbrining
Correct your spelling
upbringing
, in order to create a better society.
Submitted by alejandragarciabaez.9 on

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Introduction & Thesis Clarity
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. Although you have introduced the topic well, strive for a more direct thesis statement that clearly states your position.
Coherence & Transitions
Enhance the coherence of your essay by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Consider using linking words or phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
Balanced Discussion
When discussing both views, aim to provide a more balanced treatment. Ensure you devote approximately equal discussion time and depth to each perspective before presenting your own opinion.
Specific Examples
To elevate your task response score, include more specific and detailed examples to support your claims. Examples should be vivid and directly related to the points you are making.
Language Accuracy
Pay close attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation to improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary influence
  • models of behavior
  • instill
  • cultural norms
  • emotional support
  • mass media
  • perspectives
  • social skills
  • popular culture
  • sense of identity
  • healthy development
  • foundation
  • culmination
  • interactions
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