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Band 2

Some believe that pupils should be given less homework, others say the opposite. What is your opinion?

#believe #pupils #homework
On the other hand
, I would argue that having a
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 job offers more benefits to children.
Firstly
, it enables children to get work experience, which can greatly benefit them at a later stage in life.
For example
, by being exposed to a real work environment, they can get the chance to learn a number of skills
such
 as time management, teamwork, and communication.
As a result
, they can get a full-time job more easily in their adulthood since most companies nowadays look for potential employees with prior experience.
Furthermore
, having a
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 job means that children can get a salary. As they learn to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 some of their needs, they can not only help reduce their parents’ financial burden but they can
also
 learn about money management, which better prepares them for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.
Submitted by Deddymus on

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task achievement
The essay addresses a different topic than the one requested. Make sure to directly answer the question about the amount of homework children should have, rather than discussing the benefits of part-time jobs.
coherence cohesion
Begin with an introduction that outlines your main points, and conclude your essay with a summary of your arguments. This framework helps in presenting a clear and cohesive argument.
task achievement
Develop each of your main points with specific examples or evidence to support your argument. Although you have included some examples, ensure they directly relate to the given topic.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. This will improve the logical flow and readability of your text.
task achievement
The content of your essay must directly address the topic. Consider both sides of the argument before presenting your opinion to fully respond to the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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