Children at secondary school are often taken on visits to museums, zoo and concerts and sometimes even to other countries. What do you think the advantages and disadvantages of such visits are?
The learning process in formal institutions could be done both in class and outside of it. It is believed that high school
students
often learn not only in school, but Use synonyms
also
in other places like museums, Linking Words
zoo
, concerts, and even abroad. I believe that there are benefits and drawbacks regarding Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
this
, and Linking Words
this
essay will explain them.
Linking Words
First,
these visits can help the secondary Linking Words
students
acquire knowledge from different places, Use synonyms
hence
it could broaden their perspective. Rather than studying from books, Linking Words
students
could get opportunities to observe real-life objects. Animal skeletons, Use synonyms
for instance
, which are only available in museums, could help the Linking Words
students
picture both history and biology subjects better. Use synonyms
Second,
giving live experience would enrich Linking Words
Use synonyms
students
practical knowledge. Coming to the concert, Change noun form
students'
student's
for example
, can stimulate the student to perform better in music, since they could mimic and copy the performers' behaviour to create a positive ambience for the audience.
Linking Words
However
, Linking Words
this
event has its drawbacks. Undoubtedly, learning outside is economically inefficient as many expenses need to be covered. Linking Words
Although
there are special prices and discounts available, especially for the Linking Words
students
, many who come from low Use synonyms
social economy
status can suffer as they need extra effort to save money. A concert in Indonesia, Correct your spelling
socioeconomic
for example
, can cost around IDR 300,000, which is one-fifth of Linking Words
Correct article usage
the
a minimum wages
in small cities. Correct the article-noun agreement
minimum wages
a minimum wage
Furthermore
, it is Linking Words
also
time inefficient because they need to travel back and forth to the destination. Linking Words
While
the Linking Words
students
may enjoy it, some others could be sick during the journey and accidents might Use synonyms
also
occur, which is the reason Linking Words
this
should be given extra attention.
In conclusion, Linking Words
while
high school Linking Words
students
could get new knowledge and first-hand experiences through visitation, it is money and time-consuming. The safety of the Use synonyms
students
should Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
take
into account during the journey.Wrong verb form
be taken
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task achievement
To improve in task achievement, make sure to address both parts of the question equally. You’ve discussed advantages and disadvantages, but ensuring that your exploration of each is balanced will enhance your response.
coherence and cohesion
To achieve higher coherence and cohesion, work on smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to create a more cohesive flow and clearly signal the move from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. While some examples are given, developing them further or adding more can provide a clearer illustration of your arguments and enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.