Children at secondary school are often taken on visits to museums, zoo and concerts and sometimes even to other countries. What do you think the advantages and disadvantages of such visits are?

#children #school #visits #museums #zoo #concerts #countries

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The learning process in formal institutions could be done both in class and outside of it. It is believed that high school

students

often learn not only in school, but

also

in other places like museums,

zoo

Fix the agreement mistake

zoos

show examples

, concerts, and even abroad. I believe that there are benefits and drawbacks regarding

this

, and

this

essay will explain them.

First,

these visits can help the secondary

students

acquire knowledge from different places,

hence

it could broaden their perspective. Rather than studying from books,

students

could get opportunities to observe real-life objects. Animal skeletons,

for instance

, which are only available in museums, could help the

students

picture both history and biology subjects better.

Second,

giving live experience would enrich

students

Change noun form

students'

student's

show examples

practical knowledge. Coming to the concert,

for example

, can stimulate the student to perform better in music, since they could mimic and copy the performers' behaviour to create a positive ambience for the audience.

However

this

event has its drawbacks. Undoubtedly, learning outside is economically inefficient as many expenses need to be covered.

Although

there are special prices and discounts available, especially for the

students

, many who come from low

social economy

Correct your spelling

socioeconomic

show examples

status can suffer as they need extra effort to save money. A concert in Indonesia,

for example

, can cost around IDR 300,000, which is one-fifth of

Correct article usage

the

show examples

a minimum wages

Correct the article-noun agreement

minimum wages

a minimum wage

show examples

in small cities.

Furthermore

, it is

also

time inefficient because they need to travel back and forth to the destination.

While

the

students

may enjoy it, some others could be sick during the journey and accidents might

also

occur, which is the reason

this

should be given extra attention. In conclusion,

while

high school

students

could get new knowledge and first-hand experiences through visitation, it is money and time-consuming. The safety of the

students

should

also

take

Wrong verb form

be taken

show examples

into account during the journey.

Submitted by aldawinonaz on Sun Mar 03 2024

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task achievement

To improve in task achievement, make sure to address both parts of the question equally. You’ve discussed advantages and disadvantages, but ensuring that your exploration of each is balanced will enhance your response.

coherence and cohesion

To achieve higher coherence and cohesion, work on smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to create a more cohesive flow and clearly signal the move from one idea to the next.

task achievement

Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. While some examples are given, developing them further or adding more can provide a clearer illustration of your arguments and enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

300 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

broadens perspective
culture
curriculum
interactive
retain information
subject matter
promote
social skills
teamwork
communication
fosters
meticulously
safety risks
financial strain
disruptions
compression
exclude

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Children at secondary school are often taken on visits to museums, zoo and concerts and sometimes even to other countries. What do you think the advantages and disadvantages of such visits are?

Should private schools receive government funding? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent lexical in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming only language to be spoken globally. Advantages and disadvantages?

in their advertising bsinesses nowadays ususally emphasise that their products are new in some way. whay is this ? do you think it is a positife or negative development?

As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on road systems. Some people think the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that car users should cover the costs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.