In some countries the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age. Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment?
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Currently, there are controversies over the retirement
age
for employees and politicians. While
several entities stopped working at 50 years
old and some up to 70 years
old, many politicians benefit from power and wealth until they are aged. In my opinion, I think working as a civil servant is completely different from a political career, therefore
, an average age
of 65 years
is enough for a hard-working citizen to start receiving a pension.
Talking about politics and its career trends irrespective of people's views in relation to other jobs, any qualified individual at any age
can contest for any position and represent the people. For example
, the United States president is 85 years
old and is currently preparing to contest for another tenure in office. However
, this
might seem unfair to the public because a random individual would have been asked to retire at a maximum age
of 70year thereby causing them to earn less in their old age
, nothing can be done about it since each person performs different roles in society.
Moreover
, an employee spends up to three decades working in a company before retiring which I think is enough, and I will suggest that 65 years
would be a decent time for retirement for a few reasons. One is that all individuals deserve to rest in old age
. With this
, they have more opportunities to take care of their health and spend quality time with their families. Also
, it will give room for younger and more energetic workers to take up the available openings. This
will lead to the development of a youth-occupied sector which will eventually increase productivity and result in a better economy.
In conclusion, it is important for everyone to identify their job description in a nation as it can help resolve several differences among folk and politicians. Additionally
, taking a permanent break from work and enjoying a pension after 6th decade of life is decent and good enough for a healthy society.Submitted by peteromisakin on
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task achievement
Your introduction effectively presents the topic, but it could be further developed by clearly stating your stance more explicitly right at the beginning.
task achievement
Improve clarity and comprehensiveness by providing more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, cite specific cases where politicians have remained in power for extended periods in various countries.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression by better linking your paragraphs. While you moved from one idea to the next coherently, try using more transitional phrases and conjunctions to enhance the flow.
task achievement
Your conclusion is well-rounded and reinforces your main argument that 65 years is an appropriate retirement age.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, and your main ideas are generally supported with explanations.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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