IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. Which do you consider to be the greater influence? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

#research #media #internet #tv #influence #people’s #lives #politicians
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Many people opine that means of
media
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 and
TV
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 increasingly popular and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a strong effect on people’s
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 rather than
politicians
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. From my
poin
Correct your spelling
point
 of view, both of
media
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 and
politicians
Use synonyms
 have
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similarly
Change the adverb
similar
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
. I will discuss both views and give my opinion in
this
Linking Words
 essay below. On the one hand, many citizens believe that means of
media
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and
TV
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plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 more and more a fundamental role in our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 because it may
provides
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provide
show examples
 all of
essential
Add an article
the essential
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informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
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 for citizens by instantly accessing
on
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apply
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almost any subject.
And watching
Correct word choice
Watching
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TV
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 and using the
internet
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 are good ways to relax, and even they are
also
Linking Words
 one of the cheapest recreate.
For example
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, television brings the best comedians,
musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
show examples
 and actors into our homes
while
Linking Words
 citizens can buy goods and services from the comfort of their houses.
As a result
Linking Words
,
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and
TV
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 become
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important part of our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
politicians
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such
Linking Words
 as
prime
Add an article
a prime
the prime
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 minister, minister or chairman of
people’s
Correct article usage
the people’s
show examples
 committee
also
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 play
a
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an
show examples
 extremely vital role in society.
Through
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By
show examples
 imposing taxes or introducing new laws, they control all
of
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apply
show examples
the
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
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 of resident’s
life
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.
Besides
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,
politicians
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 provide public services like healthcare and education
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and raise resources for schools and hospitals.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 support residents who are living in poverty and lose
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 jobs.
Therefore
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, to the best of my knowledge,
media
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 and
politicians
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 are
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to people. In conclusion,
means
Correct pronoun usage
this means
show examples
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
media
Use synonyms
 and
politicians
Use synonyms
 have similar influence and the same purpose to make people’s
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 better
Submitted by weezel on

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task achievement
Clarify your position clearly in the introduction. The prompt asks for your opinion on which has a greater influence, but your essay suggests you view them as equally influential without a clear stance. Make sure to clearly state your opinion to fulfill the task requirements.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. While you mentioned the role of media and politicians in general terms, incorporating specific, personal or widely recognized examples could strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on your essay structure to improve coherence. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Use transition words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Review and correct grammatical errors and improve vocabulary choice to enhance readability. Correct use of grammar and a varied vocabulary can significantly impact the clarity and professionalism of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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