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Band 5

Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. Which do you consider to be the greater influence? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

#research #media #internet #tv #influence #people’s #lives #politicians
Many people opine that means of
media
such
 as
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 and
TV
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 increasingly popular and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a strong effect on people’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 rather than
politicians
. From my
poin
Correct your spelling
point
 of view, both of
media
 and
politicians
 have
similarly
Change the adverb
similar
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
. I will discuss both views and give my opinion in
this
 essay below. On the one hand, many citizens believe that means of
media
such
 as
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and
TV
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 more and more a fundamental role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 because it may
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 all of
essential
Add an article
the essential
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 for citizens by instantly accessing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost any subject.
And watching
Correct word choice
Watching
show examples
TV
 and using the
internet
 are good ways to relax, and even they are
also
 one of the cheapest recreate.
For example
, television brings the best comedians,
musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
show examples
 and actors into our homes
while
 citizens can buy goods and services from the comfort of their houses.
As a result
,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and
TV
 become
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
politicians
such
 as
prime
Add an article
a prime
the prime
show examples
 minister, minister or chairman of
people’s
Correct article usage
the people’s
show examples
 committee
also
 play
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 extremely vital role in society.
Through
Change preposition
By
show examples
 imposing taxes or introducing new laws, they control all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
 of resident’s
life
.
Besides
,
politicians
 provide public services like healthcare and education
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and raise resources for schools and hospitals.
Furthermore
, they
also
 support residents who are living in poverty and lose
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 jobs.
Therefore
, to the best of my knowledge,
media
 and
politicians
 are
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to people. In conclusion,
means
Correct pronoun usage
this means
show examples
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
media
 and
politicians
 have similar influence and the same purpose to make people’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 better
Submitted by weezel on

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task achievement
Clarify your position clearly in the introduction. The prompt asks for your opinion on which has a greater influence, but your essay suggests you view them as equally influential without a clear stance. Make sure to clearly state your opinion to fulfill the task requirements.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. While you mentioned the role of media and politicians in general terms, incorporating specific, personal or widely recognized examples could strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on your essay structure to improve coherence. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Use transition words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Review and correct grammatical errors and improve vocabulary choice to enhance readability. Correct use of grammar and a varied vocabulary can significantly impact the clarity and professionalism of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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