IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The graph below shows consumers’ average annual expenditure on cell phone, national and international fixed-line and services in America between 2001 and 2010

The graph below shows consumers’ average annual expenditure on cell phone, national and international fixed-line and services in America between 2001 and 2010
#consumers’ #expenditure #cell #phone #fixed-line #services #america
The information about how much money
spent
Add a missing verb
is spent
show examples
 on different kinds of
services
 by
a customers
Correct the article-noun agreement
customers
a customer
show examples
 is illustrated by a given linear representation in the period of 9 years. The data has been calibrated in numbers.
To sum up
, it can be vividly manifested that the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 national fixed line
services
 experienced a downward trend throughout the whole period,
While
 cell
phones
Change the noun form
phone
show examples
services
 can be seen with an upward trend. Upon initial examination of the chart, it is evident that a slight incline was noticed
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 wealth which was invested yearly on abroad
services
 from 2001 to 2003 which was 260
dollars
 and 310
dollars
, respectively.
Further
 analysis reveals that in 2004, a gradual decrease of around 15
dollars
 was seen in the cash outflowed on international calls,
Whereas
 the finance remained constant between 2004 and 2008 at 300
dollars
, each year. Analyzing the data in more detail, there was a
steadily
Change the adverb
steady
show examples
 increment of 100
dollars
 in the phone facilities from 2001 to 2003.
Aftewards
Correct your spelling
Afterwards
, a significant rise could be apparent in the amount of capital expended on phone provisions from 2004 until 2011. Probing ahead, from 2001 to 2011, the data of national fixed line benefits showed a consistent downward trend, the
fomer
Correct your spelling
former
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was 700
dollars
 and the latter was 400
dollars
.
Submitted by real.nawa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words services, dollars with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • annual
  • fixed-line services
  • consumer preferences
  • technological advancements
  • economic factors
  • speculate
  • trends
  • notable change
  • shifts in consumer behavior
  • innovation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: