Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others believe that people should be free to do any sports or activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is true that extreme
sports
are dangerous and even life-threatening. Although
it can be argued that governments
should ban those dangerous sports
to PREVENT tragedies from happening again, I believe that people
SHOULD have THE freedom to decide on pursuing any sports
or activities
they like. I will elaborate on both views and present my argument in this
essay.
There are several reasons why banning extreme sports
could be seen as necessary. Firstly
, those extreme sports
often contain
Verb problem
have
life-threatening
Correct article usage
a life-threatening
nature
/THEY INVOLVE LIFE-THREATENING MOVEMENTS / ARE OFTEN BY NATURE
LIFE-THREATENING that are often hard to prevent or avoid. For example
, while
an equipment failure might cause roller skaters to break A few bones, it could result in more severe injuries if a similar incident happens to sky divers
. Correct your spelling
skydivers
Second,
while
extreme sports
are welcomed among risk-seeking individuals, the high risk of getting injured or even death could impose A huge financial BURDEN on both governments
as well as
families. For example
, there are thousands of people
who die or ARE severely injured from skydiving every year. Not only ARE those people
’s families devastated and financially impaired from the tragedy,
Add the word(s)
, but
governments
also
need to invest money and time in investigating those incidents AND ALSO
COVER PART OR ALL OF THE MEDICAL COSTS INVOLVED.
Despite the above arguments, I believe that it is upon every individual to decide to do any sports
or activities
they want. Just like people
having freedom of speech, it is also
vital that people
have freedom
to do any Add an article
the freedom
sports
or activities
they like. STOPPING PEOPLE
FROM ENGAGING IN THEIR FAVORITE SPORTS
IS AN INFRINGEMENT OF THEIR LIBERTY. Especially in a DEMOCRATIC free
country, just the dangerous Add a hyphen
DEMOCRATIC-free
nature
itself does not justify governments
to ban a certain sport or activity. Moreover
, it is hard to define what sports
or activities
should be banned if we were really to ban extreme sports
. The process of lawmaking would also
create a financial burden. Instead
, governments
should educate people
about the high risk of those extreme sports
and impose more strick
STRICT regulations on how to perform those extreme Correct word choice
stricter
sports
, which could IN TURN also
TO A certain level lower the risk.
In conclusion, whereas
it is considered by some people
that extreme sports
contain its
dangerous Verb problem
are
nature
and should be banned, I believe that individuals SHOULD have THE autonomy to decide what Change preposition
in nature
sports
or activities
to pursue.Submitted by joannechao on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and consistent structure throughout the essay. Though your essay is well-structured, further clarity in transitions and paragraphing could enhance your score.
coherence cohesion
Utilize a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, thereby improving the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Directly address all parts of the task. Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both views and your opinion, but strive to integrate your opinion more seamlessly with the discussion for a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
Strive to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. While you include general examples, more detailed and varied examples related to extreme sports would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Review and correct minor grammatical errors throughout your essay. Although your essay is largely well-written, attention to detail in grammar and spelling can improve your score.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.