More students should choose to do voluntary work during the long holidays rather than working for money. Discuss both views.

In today's society, there is a controversy over whether
students
should enrol in
volunteer
campaigns or seek paid work on long holidays.
This
writer believes that
volunteer
work enhances social
skills
and builds empathy and patience,
although
others argue that earning
money
reduces the burden of living for
students
.
This
is vital to understand that participating in a
volunteer
trip will enhance one's social
skills
.
This
is
due to
the fact that
volunteer
programs are often organized in groups to have the best effect.
As a result
, each individual will have more opportunities to develop
skills
in leadership and teamwork .
This
is the reason why
students
should enrol on a
volunteer
trip during their long holiday.
However
, some argue that working for
money
should be considered first because it provides real-world
skills
and
also
gives them
money
to pay for their course.
This
belief is based on parents' fear that their son might be unemployed and not have enough
money
to live in a city so they want their son to train in practical
skills
for a long .
This
might be true, but
also
provides young people with various social knowledge
such
as teamwork or leadership.
Moreover
, volunteering will help people grow their personalities. It can be said that volunteering allows
students
to have a wider view of society and gain life experience that paid work cannot provide.
As a result
, participants will be more mature, thoughtful and patient. Because of
this
,
students
should be encouraged to participate in these activities. In conclusion, the benefits of volunteering outweigh the benefits of working for
money
during long
vacation
Fix the agreement mistake
vacations
show examples
.
Hence
, both decisions can be made during the holidays if
students
know how to schedule their time properly.

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Language Use
Introduce a broader range of vocabulary related to the topic. This will make your essay more appealing to the reader and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and persuasive.
Task Achievement
Try to balance the discussion of both views equally. While your essay presents a clear preference, ensuring both sides are equally discussed will further improve your task response score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your paragraphs clearly with topic sentences that give a forecast of what each paragraph will discuss. This will improve the logical flow and readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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