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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More students should choose to do voluntary work during the long holidays rather than working for money. Discuss both views.

#students #work #holidays #money
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In today's society, there is a controversy over whether
students
 should enrol in
volunteer
 campaigns or seek paid work on long holidays.
This
 writer believes that
volunteer
 work enhances social
skills
 and builds empathy and patience,
although
 others argue that earning
money
 reduces the burden of living for
students
.
This
 is vital to understand that participating in a
volunteer
 trip will enhance one's social
skills
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that
volunteer
 programs are often organized in groups to have the best effect.
As a result
, each individual will have more opportunities to develop
skills
 in leadership and teamwork .
This
 is the reason why
students
 should enrol on a
volunteer
 trip during their long holiday.
However
, some argue that working for
money
 should be considered first because it provides real-world
skills
 and
also
 gives them
money
 to pay for their course.
This
 belief is based on parents' fear that their son might be unemployed and not have enough
money
 to live in a city so they want their son to train in practical
skills
 for a long .
This
 might be true, but
also
 provides young people with various social knowledge
such
 as teamwork or leadership.
Moreover
, volunteering will help people grow their personalities. It can be said that volunteering allows
students
 to have a wider view of society and gain life experience that paid work cannot provide.
As a result
, participants will be more mature, thoughtful and patient. Because of
this
,
students
 should be encouraged to participate in these activities. In conclusion, the benefits of volunteering outweigh the benefits of working for
money
 during long
vacation
Fix the agreement mistake
vacations
show examples
.
Hence
, both decisions can be made during the holidays if
students
 know how to schedule their time properly.
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Language Use
Introduce a broader range of vocabulary related to the topic. This will make your essay more appealing to the reader and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and persuasive.
Task Achievement
Try to balance the discussion of both views equally. While your essay presents a clear preference, ensuring both sides are equally discussed will further improve your task response score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your paragraphs clearly with topic sentences that give a forecast of what each paragraph will discuss. This will improve the logical flow and readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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