Some people believe that nowadays too much money is being spent on weddings and birthdays. Why do you think it is happening? What can be done to improve the situation?

#people #money #weddings #birthdays #situation

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The majority of people think they are deserved an

enourmeous

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enormous

wedding or birthday party as it happens once in a year or whole of life. Meanwhile,

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apply

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neglecting their invitation or

Unnecessary verb

apply

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not paying attention to their luxuries

seem

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seems

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to be

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effectieve

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effective

solution for

improvment

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improvement

. A number of

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the folk

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folk

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folks

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concerned

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are concerned

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that a large

amout

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amount

budget

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the budget

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should be spent on

helding enourmous

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holding enormous

wedding

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weddings

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bitrhday

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birthday

ceremonies as they think that parties are

helded

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held

headed

just once

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apply

show examples

a year or in

whole

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their whole

show examples

life.

Consequently

, they

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apply

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try to

lead

Verb problem

make

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it as majestic as possible.

Furthermore

vast

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the vast

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majority of people are impressed by others and want to show their excellent financial situation.

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show examples

result

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a result

show examples

, they try

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show examples

invite many guests

for

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show examples

their celebrations and boast their

properies

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properties

This

issues

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issue

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is an old trend that has been argued in every

periods

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period

show examples

Worringly

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Worryingly

, it is getting popular among

youngesters

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youngsters

more and more.

One

way that helps to

diappearing

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disappearing

appearing

this

matter is if

some

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someone

show examples

one

who has

this

attitude invited, no

one

would not go to the party.

Moreover

, do not admire

some

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someone

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one

with

this

behavior

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behaviour

show examples

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show examples

an other

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another

show examples

effectieve

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effective

way. In conclusion, the majority of

pepole

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people

claim that they should

hed

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hold

show examples

Correct article usage

an enormeouse

show examples

enormeouse

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enormous

wedding or birthday party

for

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show examples

impress

other

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others

show examples

and

thinking

Wrong verb form

think

show examples

those

parities

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parties

show examples

happen just once

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apply

show examples

a year or in

whole

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their whole

show examples

life.

That is

anciet

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ancient

topic which

engage

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engages

show examples

many families.

However

, rejecting

invitation

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an invitation

show examples

admire

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admiring

show examples

the host

scarecely

Correct your spelling

scarcely

can help to make

this

situation more reasonable.

Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on Sun Mar 03 2024

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task achievement

Your essay somewhat addresses the topic but lacks depth in exploring the reasons behind excessive spending on weddings and birthdays, and offering meaningful solutions. Try to provide a clearer and more focused argument, with distinct paragraphs on why this phenomenon is happening, and another on specific actions that could improve the situation.

coherence cohesion

Your essay struggles with coherence and cohesion due to numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This makes it difficult for the reader to follow. To improve, focus on constructing sentences correctly and using connectors to smoothly transition between ideas. An effective essay usually contains an introduction, body paragraphs with clear main points, and a conclusion which are all lacking in clarity in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
52
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

242 words

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Some people believe that nowadays too much money is being spent on weddings and birthdays. Why do you think it is happening? What can be done to improve the situation?

Fully explain your ideas

The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming much wider, the rich richer, the poor even poorer. What problems can the situation cause and give the solution.

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some Children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Student should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?