Raising children is one of the most important missions for many countries. It is recently updated that new mothers and new fathers should take trainings before getting a child. To what extent do you agree ?
A
topic regarding raising Correct article usage
The
children
has grown to be a pressing matter lately. Some people belives
that young Verb problem
believe
parents
who want to have a child should take some practical educations
. I agree about Fix the agreement mistake
education
this
problem is
because of the psychology and economic Unnecessary verb
apply
consideration
.
In the field of psychological studies, both Fix the agreement mistake
considerations
parents
who already
educated with the knowledge of raising Add a missing verb
are already
baby
may know how to handle the problems related to Correct article usage
a baby
children
. In other words
, parent
more conscious about Fix the agreement mistake
parents
children
Change noun form
children's
behavior
and Change the spelling
behaviour
psychology
effects from the way of the Replace the word
psychological
parents
such
as tantrum
and praising Fix the agreement mistake
tantrums
achievement
. Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
For example
, a study carried out by Tokyo University in 2015 found that almost two-third
of Correct your spelling
two-thirds
children
in Fukuoka have
a Change the verb form
has
well-manered
trait when they Correct your spelling
well-mannered
well-managed
entered
Wrong verb form
enter
primary
school Add an article
the primary
from
Change preposition
in
house
of Add an article
the house
parents
that take primary education class
before marriage. Fix the agreement mistake
classes
This
study proffed
that Correct your spelling
proved
proofed
parents
can make their own decision to teach their children
and have more knowledge about raising them.
Another consideration is about the financial issues before the parents
decided
to Wrong verb form
decide
raising
Change the verb
raise
children
that can be happened in the future. Parents
who decided
to have Wrong verb form
decide
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
children
must know about the primary issues of individual lives like food, clothes, and education. With the
practical Correct article usage
apply
educatio
, Correct your spelling
education
parents
can make some trial
and discuss Fix the agreement mistake
trials
about
the financial problem with Remove the preposition
apply
expertise
so they can specify their Replace the word
experts
financial
. Replace the word
finances
For instance
, parents
who want their children
sucess
as Verb problem
to succeed
an
Correct article usage
apply
adult
in the future will carry Fix the agreement mistake
adults
out
some Change preposition
apply
consideration
about the budget Fix the agreement mistake
considerations
meal
they Fix the agreement mistake
meals
prepared
, Wrong verb form
prepare
Correct word choice
and banned
banned
junk food for their Wrong verb form
ban
children
in order to prevent the
obesity. Indeed Correct article usage
apply
this
plan should interfee
with the expertise or practitioner from health-nutritioner that might cost lots of money.
Correct your spelling
interfere
To sum up
, getting traning
for young Correct your spelling
training
parents
before having a child have
many benefits in Correct subject-verb agreement
has
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
for
raising the Change preposition
of
children
not only from the psychological of their family,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
their financial issues in the future.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To enhance your task response score, ensure your position is clear throughout the essay. Stay focused on answering the essay question directly. Offer a more balanced view by considering both sides of the argument before stating your opinion.
coherence & cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on linking your ideas more seamlessly. Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, on the other hand) to enhance the flow between paragraphs and within sentences.
task achievement
Develop your arguments with more detailed and specific examples. While you have used studies to support your points, more varied examples (e.g., personal experiences, historical events, or wider societal observations) could enrich your essay.