Children should never be educated at home by their parents. Do you agree or disagree?
There are some ongoing debates on how
children
should be educated. Some people may argue that they do not need education from their parents
. One of the reasons that governments already established school
for our Fix the agreement mistake
schools
children
. Therefore
, parents
have busy activities outside so they do not need to educate their son or daughter, and also
use educational facility
effectively at Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
school
. This
essay is strongly disagree
with that point for several things.
Change the verb form
strongly disagrees
First,
children
were born into this
universe because of their parents
. Children
never ask that
they want to Correct word choice
whether
born
in Add a missing verb
be born
this
world or not. The beloved creature
called Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
children
were born in this
world because of parents
want
them to Wrong verb form
wanted
born
in Add a missing verb
be born
this
world. They do not have any authority to neglect that they were born because of their parents
. So in this
case, parents
have much more control for
their Change preposition
over
children
. What children
will be in the future is really depending with
the Change preposition
on
parents
.
Furthermore
, schools are not having much time
to educate student
effectively. It will be so much Fix the agreement mistake
students
time consuming
when teachers and Add a hyphen
time-consuming
school
staffs
educate Fix the agreement mistake
staff
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
by
one-on-one person in their daily Change preposition
apply
life
. Teachers are Fix the agreement mistake
lives
also
having children
at their home. They are not only teaching students at school
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
their own children
. School
is not a 24 hours in a day / 7 days in
a week always open. It indicates that students have much Change preposition
apply
time
also
at home. During at
home, students are with their Change preposition
At
parents
.
All in all, parents
should not neglect their obligation to educate their own children
. Since parents
have much more control with
their Change preposition
over
children
, they need to spare parents
and children
time
. Thus
, human well-being can be created when children
have harmony
Replace the word
harmonious
parents
who are willing to educate, and
Correct pronoun usage
them and
having
much Wrong verb form
have
time
together as well as
family supposed to be.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, ensure that your essay has a clear progression of ideas from the introduction through to the conclusion. Use paragraphing to separate different points and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that contributes to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, ensure that your introduction clearly states your stance on the topic, and your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and stance, reinforcing the strength of your argument.
coherence cohesion
To support your main points more effectively, consider incorporating a wider variety of evidence, including statistics, expert opinions, or real-life examples. This will make your arguments more convincing and engaging.
task achievement
To achieve a more complete response, make sure to address all parts of the prompt fully. This includes directly answering the question posed and exploring the topic from multiple perspectives if applicable.
task achievement
For clearer and more comprehensive ideas, work on developing your points more thoroughly. This can involve explaining the implications of your arguments, drawing comparisons, or discussing potential counterarguments and why they may be less valid.
task achievement
To utilize relevant and specific examples more effectively, include detailed examples that directly support your main points. These examples should be clearly linked to the argument you're making and help to illustrate your points more vividly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.