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Band 4

Nowadays, more and more people are purchasing online instead of physically going to stores. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #stores #development
Over the
last
 few years, the most popular are buying online
instead
 of physically going to shops.
While
 some
people
 strongly support the opinion that
this
 is
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 for young
people
, there are other
people
 who think that it
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of
people
. In
this
 essay, l will discuss both
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 and negative
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 of
this
 and draw a conclusion On the one hand, some
people
 argue that it is
being increasingly purchase
Change the verb form
being increasingly purchased
show examples
 online
products
 in some countries because they think
this
 condition is very
benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 for of
population
Change noun form
population's
show examples
 time and work. Individuals
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a lot of opportunities because humans are possible anywhere and sometimes they are not buying
products
 from
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
way
Correct your spelling
away
show examples
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 that, online stores might
cheaper
Add a missing verb
be cheaper
show examples
 than other places.
As a result
,
people
 do not spend time
for buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 goods.
For example
,
everyone
Correct your spelling
every
show examples
 city uses and
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
this
 is the best way for purchasing
products
. There are some discounts
that is
, if you buy a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
products
 in online stores, you will have to some discounts so all
people
 want to use
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it.
On the other hand
, other
people
 argue that Individuals do not choose to
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
suit anything.
Consequently
, they bought
products
might
Correct pronoun usage
that might
show examples
 be unquality or poor goods.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 that, it is
hobby
Correct article usage
a hobby
show examples
going
Change the verb form
to go
show examples
 to
stores
Correct article usage
the stores
show examples
 of some humans and all
products
 might dislike
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
everyone
Replace the word
every one
show examples
 person.
For instance
, older
people
 do not know
uses
Correct article usage
the uses
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
also
 always do not quality goods
bring
Verb problem
apply
show examples
from
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
such
 it is not delivered faster. I think purchasing online
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
 in some countries. In conclusion,
while
 purchasing online can offer several
positive
Fix the agreement mistake
positives
show examples
, there may be some drawbacks too. From my personal point of view,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
this
 will outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a clearer logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that these ideas are logically ordered throughout the essay. Use linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
To better achieve the task, ensure you respond completely to all parts of the question. Develop your arguments fully by presenting clear, comprehensive ideas, and support these with specific examples where possible. This will help demonstrate your understanding and provide a more persuasive argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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