IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You have a just won two tickets to a concert and want to invite your friend to go with you. Write letter to your friend. In the letter: Give details about the concert Describe how you won the tickets Explain why you've chosen your friend to go with you

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Dear Adrianna Adrian How are you? Hope you are happy and enjoying your new job. I am writing
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 letter to invite you
a
Change preposition
to a

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
concert
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 that, I really want to go
with
Change preposition
to with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 you. First of all, I will give you some information for you to understand better.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
concert
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 happens once in 4 years on 29th February. Famous singers from all over the world come to the
concert
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Not only famous singers, but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 famous actors and
actress
Fix the agreement mistake
actresses

It seems that actress may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 allow you to take pictures with them.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if you are wondering how I won the tickets, I will tell you without
further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 ado. Our boss organized a competition in our office. Gave all workers the same task and insisted that, whoever
finishes
Wrong verb form
finished

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb finishes. Consider changing it.

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 it first
will
Wrong verb form
would

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb will. Consider changing it.

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 get a ticket to the
concert
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I won the competition.
For
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 reason, I am inviting you to the
concert
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. After all, you are the reason that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
 I work in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 job. The reason for my offer is that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
 I have not seen you for a long time. I miss the times we spent together.
Finally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Hopefully, I would love it if you could come to a
concert
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Best wishes, Shaxrizoda

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greeting and closing
The greeting is a bit informal and unusual ('Dear Adrianna Adrian'), consider a simpler and more typical approach like 'Dear Adrianna,' or 'Hi Adrianna,' depending on the level of formality you wish to maintain.
logical structure
Your letter is generally clear and progresses logically, but could benefit from a clearer introductory sentence and smoother transitions between ideas. Try using phrases like 'Let me start with,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In addition,' to guide the reader through your letter.
single idea per paragraph
Each paragraph generally introduces a new topic, which is good. For improvement, try ensuring that each paragraph clearly develops around a single, central idea with supporting details for better coherence.
complete response
You have addressed the main tasks but could expand on your responses to make them more complete. For example, more details on the concert (such as the genre of the music, location, or date) would enhance your response. Additionally, offering a more heartfelt and detailed explanation of why you want this friend to accompany you can make your letter more engaging and personal.
suitable writing tone
While your writing tone is mostly suitable, it fluctuates between formal and informal in ways that may not be entirely appropriate for the context. Work on maintaining a consistent tone throughout the letter. Consider if the tone is too casual or too formal and adjust accordingly based on your relationship with the recipient and the context of the letter.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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