This day too many people maintain their health by relying on doctor and medicine, rather than by following a health lifestyle. To what extent do you agree with this statement.

3.0 / 9

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Introduction

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

present, in many

Change to a plural noun

countries

show examples

country

Add a comma

country,

show examples

almost all

people

Use synonyms

believe that their

health

Use synonyms

on doctors and

medicine

Use synonyms

. I both agree and disagree with

this

Linking Words

opinion

due to

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

situation

Use synonyms

will be good

however

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

situation

Use synonyms

has

bad

Add an article

a bad

the bad

show examples

position

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

Body paragraph 1

In the modern world, almost all local

people

Use synonyms

hope

than

Change preposition

for

show examples

their

health

Use synonyms

medicine

Use synonyms

because nowadays

medicine

Use synonyms

is very

development

Replace the word

developed

show examples

and

this

Linking Words

situation

Use synonyms

is comfortable to humans.

Besides

Linking Words

that, all

people

Use synonyms

find

health

Use synonyms

their ills. Some in big

city's

Change noun form

cities

show examples

Add a missing verb

have

show examples

development

Replace the word

developed

show examples

modern

medicine

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, in America

medicine

Use synonyms

is modern year by year so in

America

Add a comma

America,

show examples

many

people

Use synonyms

Change the verb form

are

show examples

living

Change preposition

show examples

the present.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

have not

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

every

medicine

Use synonyms

and doctor

as well as

Linking Words

great

Correct article usage

a great

show examples

city find some false doctors and

also

Linking Words

they are

make

Wrong verb form

making

show examples

counterfeit

Add an article

a counterfeit

the counterfeit

show examples

document

Fix the agreement mistake

documents

show examples

This

Linking Words

position

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

bad

health

Use synonyms

to you. Unfortunately,

this

Linking Words

situation

Use synonyms

increasing every year. For intense, if you go to

modern

Add an article

the modern

a modern

show examples

doctor,

doctor

Add an article

the doctor

a doctor

show examples

will make falsified

paper

Fix the agreement mistake

papers

show examples

and you will

start

Add the particle

start to

show examples

undergo

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

also

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

situation

Use synonyms

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

your

health

Use synonyms

will be unhealthy and uncomfortable for your lifestyle.

Conclusion

In conclusion, modern

Use synonyms

medicine's

Change the noun form

medicines

medicine

show examples

will be

comfortable

Correct article usage

a comfortable

show examples

situationbut

Correct your spelling

situation

this

Linking Words

medicine

Use synonyms

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

bad

health

Use synonyms

to some

people

Use synonyms

health

Use synonyms

so all

people

Use synonyms

have not believe

Change preposition

show examples

every modern

doctors

Change to a singular noun

doctor

show examples

soglomovsarvar

Mar 3, 2024

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Task Achievement

Focus on clearly presenting your position throughout the essay, and ensure that each paragraph supports your main opinion effectively.

Task Achievement

Develop your ideas more fully with relevant examples and explanations. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details.

Coherence and Cohesion

Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas and ensure logical flow.

Coherence and Cohesion

Revise your introduction and conclusion to more clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

207 words

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