This day too many people maintain their health by relying on doctor and medicine, rather than by following a health lifestyle. To what extent do you agree with this statement.
At
the
present, in many Correct article usage
apply
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countries
country
almost all Add a comma
country,
people
believe that their Use synonyms
health
on doctors and Use synonyms
medicine
. I both agree and disagree with Use synonyms
this
opinion Linking Words
due to
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this
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situation
will be good Use synonyms
however
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this
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situation
has Use synonyms
bad
position Add an article
a bad
the bad
to
Change preposition
on
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
lifestyle
.
In the modern world, almost all local Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
people
hope Use synonyms
than
their Change preposition
for
health
on Use synonyms
medicine
because nowadays Use synonyms
medicine
is very Use synonyms
development
and Replace the word
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this
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situation
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Besides
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people
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health
their ills. Some in big Use synonyms
city's
,Change noun form
cities
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have
development
modern Replace the word
developed
medicine
. Use synonyms
For example
, in America Linking Words
medicine
is modern year by year so in Use synonyms
America
many Add a comma
America,
people
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is
living Change the verb form
are
at
the present.
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in
On the other hand
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people
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belive
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believe
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every Change preposition
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and doctor Use synonyms
as well as
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great
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also
they are Linking Words
make
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counterfeit
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the counterfeit
document
. Fix the agreement mistake
documents
This
position Linking Words
give
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gives
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this
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doctor, Add an article
the modern
a modern
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a doctor
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papers
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start to
and
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apply
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this
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with
your Change preposition
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health
will be unhealthy and uncomfortable for your lifestyle.
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Use synonyms
medicine's
will be Change the noun form
medicines
medicine
comfortable
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a comfortable
situationbut
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situation
this
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medicine
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health
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people
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in
doctors
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doctor
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Task Achievement
Focus on clearly presenting your position throughout the essay, and ensure that each paragraph supports your main opinion effectively.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more fully with relevant examples and explanations. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas and ensure logical flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revise your introduction and conclusion to more clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points of your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example