This day too many people maintain their health by relying on doctor and medicine, rather than by following a health lifestyle. To what extent do you agree with this statement.

#people #health #doctor #medicine #lifestyle

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

present, in many

Change to a plural noun

countries

show examples

country

Add a comma

country,

show examples

almost all

people

believe that their

health

on doctors and

medicine

. I both agree and disagree with

this

opinion

due to

this

situation

will be good

however

this

situation

has

bad

Add an article

a bad

the bad

show examples

position

Change preposition

show examples

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

. In the modern world, almost all local

people

hope

than

Change preposition

for

show examples

their

health

medicine

because nowadays

medicine

is very

development

Replace the word

developed

show examples

and

this

situation

is comfortable to humans.

Besides

that, all

people

find

health

their ills. Some in big

city's

Change noun form

cities

show examples

Add a missing verb

have

show examples

development

Replace the word

developed

show examples

modern

medicine

For example

, in America

medicine

is modern year by year so in

America

Add a comma

America,

show examples

many

people

Change the verb form

are

show examples

living

Change preposition

show examples

the present.

On the other hand

people

have not

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

every

medicine

and doctor

as well as

great

Correct article usage

a great

show examples

city find some false doctors and

also

they are

make

Wrong verb form

making

show examples

counterfeit

Add an article

a counterfeit

the counterfeit

show examples

document

Fix the agreement mistake

documents

show examples

This

position

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

bad

health

to you. Unfortunately,

this

situation

increasing every year. For intense, if you go to

modern

Add an article

the modern

a modern

show examples

doctor,

doctor

Add an article

the doctor

a doctor

show examples

will make falsified

paper

Fix the agreement mistake

papers

show examples

and you will

start

Add the particle

start to

show examples

undergo

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

also

this

situation

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

your

health

will be unhealthy and uncomfortable for your lifestyle. In conclusion, modern

medicine's

Change the noun form

medicines

medicine

show examples

will be

comfortable

Correct article usage

a comfortable

show examples

situationbut

Correct your spelling

situation

this

medicine

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

bad

health

to some

people

health

so all

people

have not believe

Change preposition

show examples

every modern

doctors

Change to a singular noun

doctor

show examples

Submitted by soglomovsarvar on Sun Mar 03 2024

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Task Achievement

Focus on clearly presenting your position throughout the essay, and ensure that each paragraph supports your main opinion effectively.

Task Achievement

Develop your ideas more fully with relevant examples and explanations. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details.

Coherence and Cohesion

Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas and ensure logical flow.

Coherence and Cohesion

Revise your introduction and conclusion to more clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

207 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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This day too many people maintain their health by relying on doctor and medicine, rather than by following a health lifestyle. To what extent do you agree with this statement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Cohabitation is believed to bring huge advantages for young people since it enables them to fully understand each other before deciding to get married. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

some people think that it is beneficial to travel abroad, but others think it is unnecessary because we have the Internet and TV. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past, and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

Genetic engineering is an important issue in society today. Some people think that it will improve people’s lives in many ways. Others feel that it may be a threat to life on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.