IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for your advice on whether to go to college or try to get a job.You think she/he should get a job.Write a letter to this friend. •say why she will not enjoy going to college •explain why getting a job is a good idea •Suggest the type of job that would be suitable

#friend #advice #college #job #•say #•explain #idea #•suggest #type
Hi Julia I know that you want to go to college though both of us know that it costs you arm and leg to go to college.I suggest you
to
Remove the particle
apply
show examples
get a job, because
town
Add an article
the town
show examples
 is enormous,so there are plenty of jobs.I recommend you to work as a cashier for the reason that math and calculating is
piece
Correct article usage
a piece
show examples
 of cake for you,
also
 working times
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 perfect for you as you wake up late
however
 you are
late
Add an article
a late
show examples
 owl.And you know what,we can work together as my family
don't
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
show examples
 have enough money for college.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Greeting and Closing
Ensure your greeting is more formal or appropriate for a letter format, even in informal letters. It helps set the tone of your communication. Consider starting with 'Dear Julia,' instead of 'Hi Julia'.
Task Achievement
To improve on task response, it is crucial to expand your reasons and explanations more clearly. For example, instead of saying 'it costs you an arm and a leg to go to college,' explain why college might not be financially viable for Julia, possibly due to high tuition fees, living costs, etc.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a better logical structure, organize your ideas into paragraphs, each with a clear focus. One paragraph could focus on the drawbacks of going to college, another on the advantages of getting a job, and a third suggesting a specific job and why it's suitable for Julia.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your letter would benefit from a more varied and complex sentence structure to clearly convey your ideas and advice. An example could be, 'Given your knack for mathematics and your nocturnal nature, a cashier position could be an ideal fit, especially considering the flexible working hours that suit your late risings.', instead of 'I recommend you to work as a cashier for the reason that math and calculating is piece of cake for you,also working times is perfect for you as you wake up late however you are late owl.'

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: