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Band 4

Some people believe advertisements have positive effect on people and business while others do not. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #advertisements #effect #business
The discussion about
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 and drawbacks of traditionally in-person business activities
such
 as meetings and corporate education shifting to the online format is getting more and more relevant as the pandemic of COVID-19 has come to an end. Despite the government restrictions concerning gathering
together with
 more than three people being removed from the companies, most of the employees are not rushing back to the office which demonstrates
us
Change preposition
to us
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 that props of
this
 choice have greater value. The first argument of the advocates of
this
 approach is saving time. Getting to the office can be time-consuming and quite exhausting.
For example
, in big
cities
Add a comma
cities,
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 one can spend from one to three hours on the way to the needed place. The second benefit is cost
cut
Fix the agreement mistake
cuts
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 for the employers. Zoom conferences and classes do not require as
much
Change the quantifier
many
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Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 as renting and maintaining a business centre or buying tickets to a company meet-up for
stuff
Correct your spelling
staff
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 working in other cities or countries.
However
Add a comma
However,
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 there is an alternative point of view on
this
 issue. All the props mentioned above presuppose that people consume information online
as well as
 they do offline. But later studies
shows
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show
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 us that
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 is definitely more
in
Change preposition
to
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 it than just changing the form of communication. Not being able to see
mimic
Fix the agreement mistake
mimics
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 and gestures of whom you are talking to can provoke misunderstanding and even general frustration coming from the lack of necessary social activity. To sum everything up, there are certain threats in moving communication between workers to the Internet but opportunities seem to have more value and
this
 is one of the pandemic consequences that tends to stay with us for a long time.
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Task Achievement
Be sure to carefully read and understand the prompt before beginning your essay. It seems your response deviated from the given task, which asked for a discussion on the effects of advertisements on people and businesses.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay more clearly with distinguishable introduction, body paragraphs each discussing a single main point, and a conclusion. This helps improve coherence and logical flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, explicitly state the topic being discussed and your stance on it, respectively. This ensures that your essay starts and ends with clear framing.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more relevant examples and evidence. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure and using more transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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