Some people believe that the government Should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Give reason for your answer and include examples from your own experience

The question of whether elderly individuals ought to be taken
care
of by the authorities has prompted a substantial debate.
While many
Correct word choice
Many
show examples
champions
Fix the agreement mistake
champion
show examples
this
, Which from my perspective is the right thing, because the constitution mandates it, and they paid
taxes
during their labour days. Others contend against
this
idea. Analyzing
this
factuality will give a comprehensive understanding of
this
subject matter.
Firstly
,
this
is actually their constitutional right so should be upheld.
For example
, in Nigeria, old people are seen on the street begging because
leaders
embezzled all the funds meant to take
care
of the aged, which is against the law. Obviously, the elderly citizens would have been well taken
care
of if not for the corrupt
leaders
.
Thus
, it is the government's responsibility to cater for the retired folks and should be implemented.
Secondly
. they
also
paid
taxes
to the authorities when they were still strong.
For instance
, Anambra state has the most effective operating system, because everyone that paid
taxes
is completely catered for at retirement. Clearly, the state will not be able to function if people do not pay
taxes
and the
leaders
keep to their obligations.
Hence
, the
leaders
should assume the complete responsibility of the retired group. In my opinion, the
leaders
are obligated as per the constitutional law and by virtue of receiving tax contributions when they are young. In conclusion, the argument that the government ought to take
care
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retired folks has sparked a considerable dispute.
Although
some advocate for
this
, which in my opinion is better
due to
the law mandates it and that the elderly
paid
Replace the word
pay
show examples
taxes
while
they were working. Others challenge
this
notion. examining
this
fact has proved that it is the responsibility of the
leaders
to cater for the retired citizens.
Submitted by Eby on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction to establish your stance on the topic more firmly. This sets the direction for your entire essay.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed explanations and a wider range of examples. This increases depth and supports your argument more robustly.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. This helps readers follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistent use of formal language and avoid colloquial expressions. This maintains the academic tone of your essay.
task achievement
Address the counter-argument more thoroughly to show a well-rounded understanding of the topic. This adds depth to your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: