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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In some countries, kids are made to follow a set of strict
rules
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.
whereas
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 in other countries, they are allowed to do whatever they want. In my opinion,
children
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 should follow a set of
rules
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.
However
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, these
rules
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 should not make them emotionally broken. In some regions,
children
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 are free to choose how to spend their time, and
due to
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this
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this,
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 their academics might be affected.
Furthermore
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, there
are
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is
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 high chance that these
children
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 might be addicted to modern technology, and spend most of their time playing mobile games and browsing the internet.
For example
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, In some developed countries, parents often do not look after their
children
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, which may lead them to get addicted to some kind of drugs and smoking.
Therefore
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, It is not completely advised to allow
children
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 to do whatever they want, and there should be some
rules
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 imposed on them.
On the other hand
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, some
children
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 might be interested in sports rather than studying. Stopping them from choosing their career might impact them emotionally.
For instance
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, if a child who is interested in singing is forced by his
parent's
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parents
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 to become a doctor, there are high
chances
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chance
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 that the child might end up failing in his career. so, it is better to understand the child's interests and allow him to choose their career path.
To conclude
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,
Rules
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 should be imposed on
children
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. But
according to
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 me, these
rules
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 should help the
children
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 to grow both physically and emotionally strong, rather than making them feel that they are tied up from doing what they want.

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task response
Clarify your position throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion, to make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure you have a distinct introduction and conclusion to better frame your essay.
task response
Provide specific real-life examples to support your main points more effectively.
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