IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#families #children #schools #taxes #support #education #system
Taxes
, which belong to public
schools
 should not be allocated by those
parents
, whose
children
 are participating in private ones. I strongly agree with
this
 view. In my opinion, there are multiple reasons why
parents
 of
children
 who are attending
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
private
education
 are not allowed to contribute to the public system.
Firstly
, some of these people are not in charge of investing significant amounts of
money
, because they may focus their attention on raising their
children
 in a suitable way.
Secondly
, if families who encourage their
children
 to pursue their
education
 in
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
 spend
taxes
 on
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
, they might not save sufficient
money
 for the future of their own
children
.
Thus
, by assisting some
schools
, which do not have adequate budgets and funds,
parents
 of those affluent pupils, who have been studying in private
education
, may sacrifice the lives of their
children
.
Thirdly
, if
parents
 paid the
schools
’
taxes
, donors and benevolent would not help public services, which is not beneficial for the local community.
For example
, perhaps certain charities, which collect lots of
money
 for poor students, will concentrate on other public sectors,
such
 as healthcare and well-being, as they assume that, these two contexts are more vital than public
education
 systems.
However
, some people think that some
parents
 tend to contribute to state systems through
taxes
. I think it is not a logical action, because in many cases, when these
parents
 give lots of
money
 to needy
schools
, they will go bankrupt.
This
 situation in some developing countries,
such
 as Iran and Iraq may result in disability of these people to involve their
children
 in non-public
schools
. In conclusion, I believe that it is not a rewarding idea to let
children
’s
parents
 spend
taxes
 on public
schools
, as they should economize their
money
 to make sure that their
children
 can have better opportunities in the long run.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your thesis statement in the introduction. It helps readers understand your stance from the beginning.
task achievement
Expand on your examples by giving more specific and detailed scenarios, statistics, or case studies. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear, distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each supporting argument, and the conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Review basic grammar rules and sentence structures to avoid common errors. This includes the proper use of articles, verb tense consistency, and correct prepositions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tax exemption
  • public education
  • private schools
  • collective responsibility
  • societal welfare
  • equitable access
  • financial burden
  • social cohesion
  • tax credits
  • vouchers
  • subsidies
  • state-funded
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • public vs. private sector
  • quality of education
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