Some think dangerous extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #sports #rock

In today's generation, there are some

individuals

who love to live a life full of adventures;

therefore

to accomplish their goals, some take part in extreme activities including skydiving, rock

climibing

Correct your spelling

climbing

, river rafting etc. Few believe that these

sports

are dangerous and should be banned.

Although

there are arguments on both sides

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

I strongly feel that

ban

Correct article usage

a ban

show examples

is not fair for some

individuals

who are professionally trained to participate. Only

few

Change the article

a few

show examples

arguments put forward in favour of strictly banning

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports

Firstly

, there might be a chance of immature

individuals

performing these

high righ

Add a hyphen

high-righ

show examples

activities without the supervision of the professionals

consequently

, increasing the number of misfortunes. In a recent survey on setbacks of skydiving, demographics shocked everyone as more than 2000 youngsters lost their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

last

Correct article usage

the last

show examples

5 years because they were not given proper safety training. Not only

this

, these

sports

are not covered under insurance because of

hight

Correct your spelling

high

show examples

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

of risk involvement

therefore

the government is

also

against them.

However

, there are

number

Change the article

a number

the number

show examples

of convincing arguments not in favour of completely banning the games. If specific games are banned from performing or mentoring,

then

some

individuals

who are professional trainers might

loose

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lose

show examples

their

job

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jobs

show examples

For instance

, a city

who's

Correct your spelling

whose

show examples

economy depends on tourists who visit that place specifically to enjoy that sport. Restrictions on these activities might reduce the tourist visiting

effecting

Correct your spelling

affecting

show examples

the

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

, cultural and social aspects of the community.

In addition

, some people are addicted to the

andrenine

Correct your spelling

adrenaline

rush that our body produces when we are performing these

thriling

Correct your spelling

thrilling

sports

Thus

, it will be unfair

for

Change preposition

show examples

the people who are appropriately trained, educated and experienced.

To conclude

, it is evident that performing without supervision or basic knowledge could result in serious

life threathning

Correct your spelling

life-threatening

outcomes.

In contrast

this

opinion, I would argue that people should make their own choices

while

choosing the risk they would like to take. There should be

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

government regulations that if the games are performed commercially,

then

all the safety measures should be the

periority

Correct your spelling

priority

of both the performer and

sports

provider.

Submitted by sanjeetkaursandhu on Sun Mar 03 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses the topic, but your response could be enhanced by directly stating your opinion in the introduction to give the reader a clearer understanding of your stance from the beginning.

task achievement

Include more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. While you have provided some, deeper elaboration or additional instances could make your points more compelling.

coherence and cohesion

Organize your essay with clear paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea. Make sure transitions between paragraphs are smooth to guide the reader through your argument effectively.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure your introduction and conclusion are more distinct and emphatic. The introduction should clearly present the topic and your viewpoint, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize your arguments and restate your opinion.

coherence and cohesion

Be cautious with spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Errors like 'climibing', 'loose' (lose), and 'andrenine' (adrenaline) can distract from your argument.

coherence and cohesion

For spelling and grammatical errors, consider using tools or getting feedback from peers before submission. Continuous practice and reading can also help in reducing such mistakes.

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

344 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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