Some think dangerous extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's generation, there are some
individuals
who love to live a life full of adventures; therefore
to accomplish their goals, some take part in extreme activities including skydiving, rock climibing
, river rafting etc. Few believe that these Correct your spelling
climbing
sports
are dangerous and should be banned. Although
there are arguments on both sides but
I strongly feel that Remove the conjunction
apply
ban
is not fair for some Correct article usage
a ban
individuals
who are professionally trained to participate.
Only few
arguments put forward in favour of strictly banning Change the article
a few
the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
. Firstly
, there might be a chance of immature individuals
performing these high righ
activities without the supervision of the professionals Add a hyphen
high-righ
consequently
, increasing the number of misfortunes. In a recent survey on setbacks of skydiving, demographics shocked everyone as more than 2000 youngsters lost their life
in Fix the agreement mistake
lives
last
5 years because they were not given proper safety training. Not only Correct article usage
the last
this
, these sports
are not covered under insurance because of hight
Correct your spelling
high
level
of risk involvement Fix the agreement mistake
levels
therefore
the government is also
against them.
However
, there are number
of convincing arguments not in favour of completely banning the games. If specific games are banned from performing or mentoring, Change the article
a number
the number
then
some individuals
who are professional trainers might loose
their Replace the word
lose
job
. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
For instance
, a city who's
economy depends on tourists who visit that place specifically to enjoy that sport. Restrictions on these activities might reduce the tourist visiting Correct your spelling
whose
effecting
the Correct your spelling
affecting
economical
, cultural and social aspects of the community. Replace the word
economic
In addition
, some people are addicted to the andrenine
rush that our body produces when we are performing these Correct your spelling
adrenaline
thriling
Correct your spelling
thrilling
sports
. Thus
, it will be unfair for
the people who are appropriately trained, educated and experienced.
Change preposition
to
To conclude
, it is evident that performing without supervision or basic knowledge could result in serious life threathning
outcomes. Correct your spelling
life-threatening
In contrast
to this
opinion, I would argue that people should make their own choices while
choosing the risk they would like to take. There should be the
government regulations that if the games are performed commercially, Correct article usage
apply
then
all the safety measures should be the periority
of both the performer and Correct your spelling
priority
sports
provider.Submitted by sanjeetkaursandhu on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but your response could be enhanced by directly stating your opinion in the introduction to give the reader a clearer understanding of your stance from the beginning.
task achievement
Include more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. While you have provided some, deeper elaboration or additional instances could make your points more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea. Make sure transitions between paragraphs are smooth to guide the reader through your argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are more distinct and emphatic. The introduction should clearly present the topic and your viewpoint, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize your arguments and restate your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Errors like 'climibing', 'loose' (lose), and 'andrenine' (adrenaline) can distract from your argument.
coherence and cohesion
For spelling and grammatical errors, consider using tools or getting feedback from peers before submission. Continuous practice and reading can also help in reducing such mistakes.