Some people think that students should study in their own city, however, many students prefer to study far away from their home. Do the advantages of studying away from home outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is no denying the fact that education plays a pivotal role in our era.

While

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there is a commonly held belief that lots of students like to study outside their countries, there is

also

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an argument that some individuals recommend that it is better for pupils to study in their own city.

This

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essay will analyse

this

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topic from both points of view and express my opinion On one hand, studying outside the

country

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is a crucial thing, but it may have some obstacles.

In other words

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, it is not suitable for anybody, because it needs certain requirements, which can not be fulfilled by most

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apply

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pupils.

In addition

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, the student should be smart and intelligent,

otherwise

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he will suffer a lot.

For example

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, the student must have enough money to be able to cover all expenses

such

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as annual

fee

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fees

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for the university, accommodation, and food, unfortunately, most families are unable to support their children.

On the other hand

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, when somebody

travel

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travels

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to learn in a foreign

country

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, many benefits will be accomplished. It is

also

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possible to say that he will gain new skills and abilities, particularly if he learns in

the

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apply

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developed countries like the USA.

Moreover

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, he will recognize different cultures, customs, and technology, so he can transfer them to his

country

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For instance

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, there was a clever student in Japan, in 1960, he travelled to study engineering in Germany, and he succeeded in the manufacturing of cars,

hence

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, he transferred

this

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tremendous industry to his

country

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. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

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question. On balance,

however

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, I tend to believe that huge positive consequences will be achieved if talented students travel to complete their education outside, especially in

the

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apply

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developed countries, so the government should support them.

sm710129Sun Mar 03 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay directly answers the question posed. Provide a balanced discussion of both views and make your own opinion clear, followed by a logical explanation.

Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of your essay. Your ideas should be organized in a manner that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Use a variety of linking phrases to better connect your thoughts.

Task Achievement

To further support your main points, integrate more concrete and varied examples. This could include personal experiences, statistical data, or hypothetical scenarios that directly relate back to the main argument of your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

To strengthen your essay, reconsider the introduction and conclusion. They should clearly frame the discussion and your stance on it. In the conclusion, succinctly summarize the key points made in the body of the essay.

13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Diverse cultures
Perspectives
Immerse
Horizons
Adaptability
Independence
Self-reliance
Career opportunities
Networking
Homesickness
Cultural shock
Financial strain
Internship
Professional development
Adjustment

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