IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You visit a sports centre regularly, and there is a problem with the changing rooms in it. You have complained about it several times but with no success. Write a letter to the manager of the sports centre. In your letter: *describe what the problem with the changing rooms is *say what happened the last time you complained *explain what you want the manager to do

#visit #sports #centre #rooms #times #success #manager #*describe #*say #time #*explain
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the changing
rooms
 in it. I
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
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regret to inform you that there is an issue with changing
rooms
.
Firstly
 It is
dreatful
Correct your spelling
dreadful
 and
chaos
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chaotic
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 in order to
staying
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stay
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 there. The smell of the
rooms
 is disgusting.
It
Add a verb
It is
It was
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 not only terrible but
also
 inadequate for changing clothes there.
Although
 we cleaned a lot,
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 was immensely dire.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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 the wardrobes of the
rooms
 have already broken but they look
like
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apply
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modern.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 I have complained
regarding
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about
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 it so many times.
However
Add a comma
However,
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 all of them did not success.
Finally
 the
last
 time I complained about changing
rooms
of
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at
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 the sports centre.
Then
 you answered my call and suddenly put the phone down
with
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for
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 no reason.
Therefore
 I am extremely disappointed with
employees
Correct article usage
the employees
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 of the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 centre . In summary, to address
this
 problem, I trust that you will change all of the
rooms
 as soon as possible and I will await your
apologize
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apologies
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 for your behaviour. I look forward to hearing from you.
Correct the word
Yours
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Your
Correct your spelling
Yours
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 faithfully, Ashurov Sardor.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Task Achievement
Your letter responds to the task's requirements. However, to improve your score, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a different aspect of the task. Your introduction can more directly reference the key issue, and each following paragraph should expand on separate points: the problem, your previous complaints, and your specific request to the manager.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your letter's structure generally follows a logical progression but sometimes feels disorganized. To enhance clarity, begin with a strong introductory sentence that specifically addresses the purpose of your letter. Follow with distinct paragraphs for each main point, using topic sentences at the start of paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
The tone of your letter is mostly suitable for a formal letter but can be made more polite and professional. Phrases like 'I am regret to inform you' are a good attempt but grammatically incorrect; instead, use 'I regret to inform you'. Avoid informal or casual language in formal letters, and make sure to check your grammar and spelling to maintain a professional tone.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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