Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behavior, while others say the amount of time spend watching television influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, watching
television
is becoming more popular among people and Use synonyms
children
. It Use synonyms
is often argue
that the Change the verb form
is often argued
television
Use synonyms
programs
witch that Use synonyms
children
follow affect their behaviour, Use synonyms
while
others believe that Linking Words
average
of Correct article usage
the average
time
Use synonyms
children
spend watching Use synonyms
TV
Use synonyms
channel
affects their behaviour. In my opinion, I believe that hours for watching Fix the agreement mistake
channels
TV
films influence their behaviour. Use synonyms
This
is because Linking Words
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
long
Change the article
a long
time
Use synonyms
for
series Change preposition
on
become
Verb problem
makes
children
lazy and Use synonyms
lead
to less focus on their studies.
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
Firstly
, the reason Linking Words
is
why some people have Unnecessary verb
apply
opinion
that Add an article
the opinion
an opinion
programs
affect Use synonyms
Use synonyms
children’s
ways of behaving is human nature. Obviously, a person could Use synonyms
influences
when he/she Wrong verb form
be influenced
Use synonyms
show
what itChange the verb form
shows
.
Add a missing verb
is.
For example
, on the whole, babies born without talking or walking and they learn Linking Words
these moment
from other’s activities and learn from them. Change the determiner
this moment
these moments
Therefore
, Linking Words
children
might Use synonyms
will stole
something if he/she Wrong verb form
steal
shows
it in Correct subject-verb agreement
show
Use synonyms
TV
movie.
Add an article
a TV
the TV
Secondly
, another group of people think that Linking Words
amount
of passing Correct article usage
the amount
time
to Use synonyms
show
Use synonyms
TV
Use synonyms
programs
Use synonyms
are affected
Wrong verb form
affects
to
Change preposition
apply
Use synonyms
children’s
behaviors. Use synonyms
In other words
, Linking Words
children
become lazy Use synonyms
Linking Words
whereas
spend Correct word choice
because
long
Correct article usage
a long
time
Use synonyms
front
of Change preposition
in front
Use synonyms
television
. Add an article
the television
For example
, Linking Words
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
pf
Correct your spelling
of
children
in Turkey, Use synonyms
they
do not want to go outside and do not touch others. Correct pronoun usage
apply
As a result
, they have got some Linking Words
seriously
behaviors Change the adverb
serious
such
as lazy, lonely and asocial.
Personally, spending a lot of Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
showing
show
some Use synonyms
TV
Use synonyms
programs
namely Use synonyms
sport match
, Fix the agreement mistake
sports matches
competition
and movies Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
Use synonyms
children’s
Use synonyms
degree
in their studies. Take Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
Linking Words
for
instance, the Add the comma(s)
, for
ministry
of Capitalize word
Ministry
education
in Turkey released in 2017, Capitalize word
Education
Use synonyms
children’s
marks have Use synonyms
been
declined in Unnecessary verb
apply
21th
century. The cause of it students spend Correct word choice
the 21st
many
Correct word choice
apply
time
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
watching
show
Use synonyms
TV
Use synonyms
channel
at night with their parents. Fix the agreement mistake
channels
Consequently
, they Linking Words
had
not Verb problem
did
did
their homework at home.
In conclusion, there is no doubt that what Wrong verb form
do
children
watch on Use synonyms
television
and Use synonyms
amount
of Correct article usage
the amount
time
Use synonyms
foe
it has influences their behaviors. Correct your spelling
for
Nevertheless
, Linking Words
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
long
Change the article
a long
time
Use synonyms
to follow
Change the verb form
following
TV
Use synonyms
channel
will Fix the agreement mistake
channels
be
lonely and become Verb problem
make people
some
chronic diseases.Correct quantifier usage
apply
Submitted by ab.ciyani on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Grammar & Accuracy
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy and range. Many sentences have grammatical errors that make them difficult to understand. Practice sentence structure and verb tenses.
Idea Development
Work on developing ideas more thoroughly. Some points are mentioned but not explained or supported with clear examples. Expand on your ideas by explaining why something is the case and how it supports your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance coherence by linking ideas more clearly within and between paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking words to show the relationships between your ideas.
Position Clarity
Clarify your position throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. It's important for the reader to understand your stance from the beginning through consistent references to your viewpoint.
Supporting Examples
Use more specific examples to support your points. General statements are less convincing than detailed examples that clearly show how television watching habits influence behavior.