Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behavior, while others say the amount of time spend watching television influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, watching
television
is becoming more popular among people and children
. It is often argue
that the Change the verb form
is often argued
television
programs
witch that children
follow affect their behaviour, while
others believe that average
of Correct article usage
the average
time
children
spend watching TV
channel
affects their behaviour. In my opinion, I believe that hours for watching Fix the agreement mistake
channels
TV
films influence their behaviour. This
is because spend
Wrong verb form
spending
long
Change the article
a long
time
for
series Change preposition
on
become
Verb problem
makes
children
lazy and lead
to less focus on their studies.
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
Firstly
, the reason is
why some people have Unnecessary verb
apply
opinion
that Add an article
the opinion
an opinion
programs
affect children’s
ways of behaving is human nature. Obviously, a person could influences
when he/she Wrong verb form
be influenced
show
what itChange the verb form
shows
.
Add a missing verb
is.
For example
, on the whole, babies born without talking or walking and they learn these moment
from other’s activities and learn from them. Change the determiner
this moment
these moments
Therefore
, children
might will stole
something if he/she Wrong verb form
steal
shows
it in Correct subject-verb agreement
show
TV
movie.
Add an article
a TV
the TV
Secondly
, another group of people think that amount
of passing Correct article usage
the amount
time
to show
TV
programs
are affected
Wrong verb form
affects
to
Change preposition
apply
children’s
behaviors. In other words
, children
become lazy whereas
spend Correct word choice
because
long
Correct article usage
a long
time
front
of Change preposition
in front
television
. Add an article
the television
For example
, majority
Correct article usage
the majority
pf
Correct your spelling
of
children
in Turkey, they
do not want to go outside and do not touch others. Correct pronoun usage
apply
As a result
, they have got some seriously
behaviors Change the adverb
serious
such
as lazy, lonely and asocial.
Personally, spending a lot of time
to
Change the verb form
showing
show
some TV
programs
namely sport match
, Fix the agreement mistake
sports matches
competition
and movies Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
children’s
degree
in their studies. Take Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
for
instance, the Add the comma(s)
, for
ministry
of Capitalize word
Ministry
education
in Turkey released in 2017, Capitalize word
Education
children’s
marks have been
declined in Unnecessary verb
apply
21th
century. The cause of it students spend Correct word choice
the 21st
many
Correct word choice
apply
time
to
Verb problem
watching
show
TV
channel
at night with their parents. Fix the agreement mistake
channels
Consequently
, they had
not Verb problem
did
did
their homework at home.
In conclusion, there is no doubt that what Wrong verb form
do
children
watch on television
and amount
of Correct article usage
the amount
time
foe
it has influences their behaviors. Correct your spelling
for
Nevertheless
, spend
Wrong verb form
spending
long
Change the article
a long
time
to follow
Change the verb form
following
TV
channel
will Fix the agreement mistake
channels
be
lonely and become Verb problem
make people
some
chronic diseases.Correct quantifier usage
apply
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Grammar & Accuracy
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy and range. Many sentences have grammatical errors that make them difficult to understand. Practice sentence structure and verb tenses.
Idea Development
Work on developing ideas more thoroughly. Some points are mentioned but not explained or supported with clear examples. Expand on your ideas by explaining why something is the case and how it supports your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance coherence by linking ideas more clearly within and between paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking words to show the relationships between your ideas.
Position Clarity
Clarify your position throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. It's important for the reader to understand your stance from the beginning through consistent references to your viewpoint.
Supporting Examples
Use more specific examples to support your points. General statements are less convincing than detailed examples that clearly show how television watching habits influence behavior.
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