IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students ni every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students #ni
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Although
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 the idea of gender equality in
society
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 is a laudable concept, I believe a more modest adjustment of severely gender-imbalanced courses would be more practical than a draconian imposition of a 50/50 balance in all university courses. Some people feel that females are underrepresented and do not have equal opportunities in certain
professions
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such
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 as upper management and engineering
while
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 others believe
society
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 would be better served if more males worked in some
professions
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such
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 as nursing, translating and primary school teaching. Both groups feel that not only competition for university places but
also
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 social stereotyping plays a role here;
that is
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, if a more gender-balanced workforce were visible,
then
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 more young people would feel that it would be socially acceptable for them to follow suit and enter
professions
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 that are traditionally associated with the opposite sex. I agree with these arguments but the correction of gender inequality and imbalance in the workplace cannot take place in the universities only changes should
also
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 be made in
society
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 as a whole, including education at the pre-university level.
Furthermore
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, the sudden imposition of a rigid 50/50 gender balance in university classes, where there is usually, say, an 80/20 male/female ratio, would probably result in many highly qualified and highly motivated males losing out to some females who were not very academically qualified for those courses and possibly not very interested in pursuing those
professions
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.
On the other hand
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, if the
last
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 10% of class allotments in heavily imbalanced classes were reserved for the 'minority' sex, and if academic standards were not drastically compromised in the process,
then
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 I believe
society
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 would benefit.
Submitted by rosolook on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is presented in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion to strengthen your stance.
task achievement
Increase the use of specific examples and evidence to support your ideas. This helps to make your argument more persuasive and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay in a more structured manner with clear paragraphs, each centred on a single main idea, to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas within and across paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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