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Writing Samples
Band 5

University students are increasingly studying abroad as part of their study. Do the advantages of this trend outweighs the disadvantages.

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It is true that studying in a foreign land is quite popular across the globe. These days,
this
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 is a part of their studies to
going to
Wrong verb form
go
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 abroad.
This
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 phenomenon has more benefits than drawbacks because it brings more benefits to
students
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 and
this
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 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. There are several advantages of studying in a foreign nation. One of the major merits is that learners have a chance to get permanent residency after finishing their
education
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 in developed nations
such
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 as Australia, America and Canada.
Therefore
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, they can work and get all the amenities as native people.
For example
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, many Indian
students
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 got permanent residency after finishing their higher
education
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 in Canada and they brought their family members to live with them. Another merit is that learners can study
a
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apply
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quality of
education
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 with more practical knowledge and less theory, and
as a result
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, it will create plenty of employment opportunities after completing
Correct article usage
the course
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course
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courses
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 whether
a
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in a
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foreign land or their home country
due to
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a
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apply
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better
education
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. Despite these benefits, studying
in
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apply
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abroad has some disadvantages. One of the main advantages is that pupils might face cultural shock and
homesick
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homesickness
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 when they enter
in
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apply
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other countries because their cultures are different compared to the learners and they miss their family members too,
consequently
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, they may isolated from
new
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the new
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 society and
this
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cause
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causes
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 dangerous effects
such
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 as death. Another demerit is that
students
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 should go to part-time jobs
while
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 studying simultaneously and
this
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 is hard to do that in a new place,
thus
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, they cannot focus on their
education
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.
For instance
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, In Canada, Sri Lankan
students
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 suffer to pay their tuition fees because of a lack of employment opportunities
in
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for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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international
students
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. In conclusion, studying in other countries pupils have a chance to get permanent residency
as well as
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they
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apply
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get a quality of
education
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 is the benefit of
this
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 phenomenon.
Affecting cultural
Verb problem
Cultural
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 shock and
homesick
Replace the word
homesickness
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alon
Correct your spelling
along
 with doing part-time work is the drawback of
this
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 trend.
However
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, learning in other nations
have
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has
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 more development outweighs the drawbacks.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the question, effectively outlining both the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. Enhance your score by developing more detailed examples to solidify your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear overview of the essay topic. For improvement, try to make your conclusion more reflective of the insights discussed and ensure it summarises your stance effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a good level of coherence, with a logical flow from one paragraph to the next. However, improve cohesion by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand the range and depth of your examples to support your main points. Real-world, specific examples enhance the argument's persuasiveness and relevance.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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