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Writing Samples
Band 5

University students are increasingly studying abroad as part of their study. Do the advantages of this trend outweighs the disadvantages.

#university #students #part #study #trend
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It is true that studying in a foreign land is quite popular across the globe. These days,
this
 is a part of their studies to
going to
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 abroad.
This
 phenomenon has more benefits than drawbacks because it brings more benefits to
students
 and
this
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. There are several advantages of studying in a foreign nation. One of the major merits is that learners have a chance to get permanent residency after finishing their
education
 in developed nations
such
 as Australia, America and Canada.
Therefore
, they can work and get all the amenities as native people.
For example
, many Indian
students
 got permanent residency after finishing their higher
education
 in Canada and they brought their family members to live with them. Another merit is that learners can study
a
Remove the article
apply
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quality of
education
 with more practical knowledge and less theory, and
as a result
, it will create plenty of employment opportunities after completing
Correct article usage
the course
show examples
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 whether
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
foreign land or their home country
due to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better
education
. Despite these benefits, studying
in
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apply
show examples
abroad has some disadvantages. One of the main advantages is that pupils might face cultural shock and
homesick
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homesickness
show examples
 when they enter
in
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apply
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other countries because their cultures are different compared to the learners and they miss their family members too,
consequently
, they may isolated from
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 society and
this
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 dangerous effects
such
 as death. Another demerit is that
students
 should go to part-time jobs
while
 studying simultaneously and
this
 is hard to do that in a new place,
thus
, they cannot focus on their
education
.
For instance
, In Canada, Sri Lankan
students
 suffer to pay their tuition fees because of a lack of employment opportunities
in
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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international
students
. In conclusion, studying in other countries pupils have a chance to get permanent residency
as well as
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get a quality of
education
 is the benefit of
this
 phenomenon.
Affecting cultural
Verb problem
Cultural
show examples
 shock and
homesick
Replace the word
homesickness
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alon
Correct your spelling
along
 with doing part-time work is the drawback of
this
 trend.
However
, learning in other nations
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more development outweighs the drawbacks.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the question, effectively outlining both the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. Enhance your score by developing more detailed examples to solidify your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear overview of the essay topic. For improvement, try to make your conclusion more reflective of the insights discussed and ensure it summarises your stance effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a good level of coherence, with a logical flow from one paragraph to the next. However, improve cohesion by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand the range and depth of your examples to support your main points. Real-world, specific examples enhance the argument's persuasiveness and relevance.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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