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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

sometimes spouses have to live far away from each other. maintaining a long distance relationship is sometimes difficult and straining. what do you think are the main reasons of long distance relationships?what can be done to help couples feel closer?

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Different circumstances have forced many
couples
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 into either a
long
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long-distance
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distance
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 relationship or marriage.
This
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 essay explores
work
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 and study commitments as the major contributing
factor
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factors
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 to
this
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 issue,
while
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also
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sheding
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shedding
 light
into
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on
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 possible solutions that can be adopted to help
couples
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 feel closer regardless of the
distance
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.
Firstly
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,
further
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 studies
contributes
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contribute
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 a lot to long
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distance
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distances
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 especially where
one
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 has to travel abroad. Even though relationships are important, people find that it is equally
imprtant
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important
 to prioritise their studies with the aim of improving their careers
thus
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, taking the initiative to leave their spouses behind in pursuit of greener pastures.
Work
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 commitments have
also
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contribed
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contributed
immensly
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immensely
 to
this
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 factor.
For instance
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,
one
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 can be promoted
into
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to
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 a higher rank at their places of
work
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 and
often times
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oftentimes
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,
this
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 comes with the need to relocate to a different location. Luckily, with the advancement in technology, people are now able to stay connected regardless of the
distance
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 between them. Communication is
one
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 crucial way of bringing
couples
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 closer and
this
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 is made possible through the use of mobile phones and social media platforms
such
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 as Facebook and WhatsApp.
Additionaly
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Additionally
, it would be helpful if employers
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 give
its
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their
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 employees long leave from
work
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 so they can have an opportunity to visit their loved ones. In conclusion, albeit the challenges that come with
long
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long-distance
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distance
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 relationships, the growing information technology has created numerous opportunities for
couples
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 to enjoy the feeling of being closer to
one
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 another and maintain their bond
while
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also
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 going about their
daiy
Correct your spelling
daily
day
 lives.

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task achievement
Ensure a strong thesis statement is present in your introduction. This will clearly direct the focus of your essay and crisply outline the main points you intend to discuss.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Although your essay has a logical structure, utilizing a broader range of cohesive devices can enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. While you did include some examples, deeper and more detailed illustrations can greatly strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Revisit your conclusion to ensure it effectively synthesizes your main points and restates your thesis in a refreshed manner, offering a strong and memorable finish to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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