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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The two bar charts depict the
people
Use synonyms
 born in and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 in three different
areas
Use synonyms
 which are cities,
towns
Use synonyms
, and rural in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1995 and 2010, respectively. As illustrated in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1995, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 in both cities and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 has a significant increase
approximately
Change preposition
of approximately
show examples
 8 to 10%, respectively.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in
towns
Use synonyms
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 is greater compared to
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in 2010,
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
shows
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 the highest percentage compared to
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population of
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 in
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 remained the same, even so, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slight decrease
Replace the word
slightly decreased
show examples
 for both
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the
Use synonyms
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1995 and 2010 remain the highest of all,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 born in and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 1995
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 constantly higher than
2010
Change preposition
in 2010
show examples
 in both
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rajasaadmuz on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, areas, towns, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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