IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree?

#artists #salaries #government #work
There is an ongoing debate regarding
money
 earned by
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
. Numerous
artist
 gain very
less
Fix the agreement mistake
low
show examples
 salaries and should
therefore
 obtain funding from the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 so that they are able to continue their artworks. If questioned , I agree with
this
 viewpoint to a large extent. My position is elaborated
further
 in the upcoming paragraphs with valid reasons and examples. The foremost argument to justify my stance is that artworks
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 equipment.
For instance
, art is not something that can be done
over night
Correct your spelling
overnight
show examples
 and without any
money
 . A lot of
money
 is required to get premium quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tools like colours , brushes, and many more. Some
artisians
Correct your spelling
artists
also
 do work on creating sculptures and statues. A large sum of
money
 is
also
 necessary to get excellent quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
materials for making them .
Furthermore
, funding should be done to provide a better
lifetime
Replace the word
life
show examples
 to the
families
 of
artisians
Correct your spelling
artisans
.
As even
Correct word choice
Even though
show examples
 they receive less amount of wages ,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 majority sum of
money
Correct pronoun usage
their money
show examples
 is used by them to buy materials for
artworks
Fix the agreement mistake
artwork
show examples
 and only
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 amount is reached to their
families
. In
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 their
families
 suffer a lot
due to
 lack of
money
 . So , the authority
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to consider
this
 and provide some support to the art makers.
Lastly
 , numerous
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 makers have to work overtime as they have to make some beautiful works .
Due to
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 they become exhausted and
also
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 some health drawbacks . So if payment is increased for the craft makers they can
also
 hire assistants who will help them in their work .
To sum up
,
artisians
Correct your spelling
artists
 suffer a lot
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
due to
 the lack of
money
 . So the government must provide them funding or
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 their payment to support them in getting
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 materials , to support their
families
as well as
 to hire assistants who can help them . By
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 the
artist
 would
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to live peacefully. So , I strongly agree with
this
 view .
Submitted by akshayashvi07 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, showing a strong understanding of the topic. To enhance your task response score, ensure each paragraph specifically addresses the prompt directly with more diverse examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and incorporating transitional phrases to ensure smoother flow and connectivity between ideas. This will improve the coherence of your arguments and the cohesion between paragraphs.
Support for Main Points
While your essay contains examples, strive to diversify them and connect them more explicitly to the key points you are making. Use specific instances or hypothetical scenarios that clearly illustrate your arguments and reinforce the relevance of your examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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