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Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.  Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
Each person’s condition in
this
 world is not the same. Some people are rich
while
 others do not even have a dollar in their wallet. Some people think accepting a bad condition,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 lack of money and
unsatisfying
Correct article usage
an unsatisfying
show examples
 job, is better than trying to improve
such
 conditions.
This
 essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 provide evidence as to why trying our best to
change
 the
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
 is better. Some people argue that we should just accept our situation whether it is bad or good, since it is part of our destiny. They think destiny is what God already decided upon us with no need to
change
 it. They assume that being poor is their fate because they do not have a proper job in government or company.
On the other hand
, avoiding
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bad situation can be achieved by trying our best to
change
 it. Everyone does have their own path but we, as individuals, can try our best to make that path reach a better life. Just like a saying, today is better than yesterday,
while
 tomorrow is better than today. So, we must make sure we do our best for our life. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a person does not have a monthly salary job, he or she should still think more
creative
Change the word
creatively
show examples
 to find a way to generate a better income.
For example
, by being an entrepreneur, we can try to solve our
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 related to money. Even by collecting trash, we can create useful things from the trash and sell
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to get some money. In summary, it can be argued that
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 situation is not fate. We, as
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, should have initiative and take action to
change
 the worse for the better.
Submitted by blackvv on

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coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are provided, showing a firm stance on the topic, which is great. Now, work on connecting ideas more smoothly within paragraphs to enhance flow. Cohesion can be further improved by using a wider range of linking phrases.
task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the prompt, providing arguments for both sides and your own opinion. However, you could enrich your argument by adding more specific examples and data to fully support your points. This will make your essay more compelling and comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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