some people ay that now we can films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. discuss both these views and gi9ve your opinion.

I live in
Correct article usage
a moden
show examples
moden
Correct your spelling
modern
area. Few people are rich and other
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
are poor and medal class they are not
afortable
Correct your spelling
comfortable
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
their movie tickets to watch their
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
show examples
in
cinema
Add an article
the cinema
a cinema
show examples
. Nowadays,
somw
Correct your spelling
some
family watch
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
T.v
Correct your spelling
TVs
and mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
or tablets. Some
mans
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
see
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
film
in
cinema
Add an article
the cinema
a cinema
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
once
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a months
Correct the article-noun agreement
a month
months
show examples
. In
thsi
Correct your spelling
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some pros and cons in my below paragraph. One of the
buring
Correct your spelling
burning
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
show examples
of
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
world, There are many people
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
in our country, some people are well-off and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
are working class. There are
differnce
Correct your spelling
differences
in their person. Few lower-class
family
Change to a plural noun
families
show examples
watch
Add an article
a
show examples
new
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
T.V
Correct your spelling
TVs
and
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
and other
opation
Correct your spelling
options
. Because they do not
afortable
Correct your spelling
affordable
the cost of pictures.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reason, some worker
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
in a small
comapny
Correct your spelling
company
, and their salary are very low to other employees. They
allwes
Correct your spelling
always
see the movies
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their phone and Internet. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, There are options
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
avelable
Correct your spelling
available
in our city
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
the
show examples
new release
film
Change preposition
of film
show examples
. like many new
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
for
netfilx
Change the capitalization
Netfilx
show examples
and hoststar and
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
This
app
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
very
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
to see
Change preposition
for seeing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
films
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
mobile and many other options. On the other side of coins,
Therer
Correct your spelling
there
are many
educations
Replace the word
educated
show examples
persons and good
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
in our city.They
alwas
Correct your spelling
always
prefer to watch the
brodcart
Correct your spelling
broadcast
in
cinema
. Because they believe that watching
moves
Correct your spelling
movies
show examples
in
cinema
is good and enjoyment For their family and childen. For explain, some
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
Trust for lot
off
Change preposition
of
show examples
entertaiment provied
Correct your spelling
entertainment provided
for their family.
Hence
, soem Rich person allwas watching films in
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
because
tehy
Correct your spelling
they
remove their
strest
Correct your spelling
stress
street
and tensions and enjoy to films, once
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a months
Correct the article-noun agreement
a month
months
show examples
.
For
Change preposition
In
show examples
conclusion, in my opinion
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
show examples
in a
cinema
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
ggod
Correct your spelling
good
for resindent because they
Add a missing verb
are allways
show examples
allways entertaiment
Correct your spelling
always entertaining
and
remove
Verb problem
create
show examples
tension
free
Correct your spelling
tension-free
show examples
life.
Submitted by Rachna Academy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
It's important to present a well-structured argument with clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific point. Consider organizing your essay with an introduction, at least two body paragraphs (discussing each view separately), and a conclusion. This will greatly improve the logical flow and structure of your argument.
task achievement
While you have attempted to introduce the topic and provide some discussion, your argument is difficult to follow due to grammatical errors and unclear sentences. Consider enhancing your task achievement by clearly stating your opinion and providing more developed examples to support each side of the argument. Try to specify your views with clearer, more comprehensive sentences and relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on your grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Frequent spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors can make your essay difficult to understand. This detracts from your overall argument and makes it hard for the reader to follow. Using varied sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary would also help articulate your points more clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: