IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#education #healthcare #government
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The idea that the government should pay for
everyone
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's
education
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 and
healthcare
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 and make them free is based on the belief that being able to learn and stay healthy are basic rights for
everyone
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.
People
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 who agree with
this
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 idea say that when
everyone
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 can go to school for free and get medical care without paying, it leads to fairer communities where
everyone
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 has a chance to succeed. Those arguments
that
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are that
show examples
 free
education
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 means every child can go to school, no matter how much money their family has. They believe that when more
people
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 are educated, society as a whole does better because
people
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 have the knowledge and skills to generate in meaningful ways.
This
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 has helped Finland have lots of
people
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 who can read and write well, and many skilled workers. It's good for Finland's economy and helps
everyone
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 get better.
Similarly
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, they think that free
healthcare
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 means that
people
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 won't avoid going to the doctor because it costs too much.
This
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 could mean fewer sick
people
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 and lower costs for
healthcare
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 in the long run because diseases are caught early or prevented entirely.
However
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, some
people
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 worry about how much it would cost to make
education
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 and
healthcare
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 free. They think taxes might go up, which could hurt the economy. They
also
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 worry that if the government is in charge of these services, it might not do a good job.
For example
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, there might be long waits for surgery or schools might not offer a good
education
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 because there's no competition to make them better. In the end, whether you think
education
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 and
healthcare
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 should be free depends on what you believe is fair and what role you think the government should play in
people
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's lives.
While
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 making these services free for
everyone
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 is a nice idea, it's
also
Linking Words
 important to think about how it can be done in a way that keeps the quality high and is fair for
everyone
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.
Submitted by RosenbergEnglish2024! on

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Task Achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt. Your discussion should clearly state your position on the topic and develop arguments that consistently support your stance. Consider using a more defined thesis statement early in your essay to clarify your viewpoint to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider organizing your essay more effectively by having distinct introductions, body paragraphs, and conclusions. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or evidence. Additionally, using more connective words and phrases can help link ideas more smoothly across paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more detailed and specific examples to support your points. These examples should be directly relevant to the arguments you are making and help to reinforce your position. Note that examples can be theoretical, drawn from personal experiences, or refer to known facts or studies, as long as they are pertinent and strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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