Some people believe that it is the government’s responsibility to provide care and finance to support people after they retire. Others, however, think that individuals themselves should save money in their own when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion. > DISCUSS AND OPINION
Some
support
the idea of government
providing old Correct article usage
the government
age
care
however
some argue and belive
that every individual should plan their Correct your spelling
believe
reteriment
Correct your spelling
retirement
by
their own. We will Change preposition
on
disucss
both Correct your spelling
discuss
prospectives
in the coming paragraphs and will conclude in the Replace the word
prospects
last
.
To begin
with, During the life time
of every Correct your spelling
lifetime
citizen
they will not only work for their Add a comma
citizen,
servival
but Correct your spelling
service
also
contribute to the growth of the nation hence
they deserve care
in the
old Change the word
their
age
from the authorities. As we know we are the human resources or the build
block of the country which not only Change the verb form
building
contribute
to Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
nation
Add an article
the nation
by
income tax but Change preposition
through
also
help
in the supply chain. Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
For instance
, If you are earning now then
evantually
you will spend Correct your spelling
eventually
also
on various items like grossory
, transportation, entertainment and health. Correct your spelling
grocery
Government
collect tax from all these sources to keep the system up and running. If a person plays that much Correct article usage
The government
improtant
role in the supply chain Correct your spelling
important
then
he must be rewared
in the end Correct your spelling
rewarded
especally
when he will have no Correct your spelling
especially
souce
of income in Correct your spelling
source
the
old Correct article usage
apply
age
.
On the other hand
, if instead
of countribution
the person has made damage to the system Correct your spelling
contribution
then
he should not be prevelleged
for Correct your spelling
privileged
retierment
Correct your spelling
retirement
support
funded by regulatories
. Because if the financial Correct your spelling
regulations
support
and old age
care
to such
people will overload the budget hence
such
people should be filtered out from the list. further
Rephrase
Furthermore
more
those who have not contributed anything Correct quantifier usage
apply
they
should Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
be considered in the same way bit
with the least minimum Correct your spelling
but
support
.
In conclusion, government provided
Add a hyphen
government-provided
care
and finance to
Replace the word
financial
support
should be provided to all except the defaults and people who have not done anything for the national contribution, else it will overload counties
Change noun form
counties'
county's
budget
which will have negative consequences.Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
Submitted by sunil.jakhu on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introductory statement that outlines the topics and your stance on the issue. This helps the reader understand your main argument from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
A logical structure is crucial for the coherence of your essay. Use clear paragraphing with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea. Ensure that there is a logical flow between paragraphs through the use of suitable linking words or phrases.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score in Coherence and Cohesion, strive to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This also shows off your language abilities.
task achievement
To fully address the Task Achievement criterion, make sure that your essay thoroughly discusses both views mentioned in the question before presenting your own opinion. Your opinion should be clear and well-supported throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples and clear explanations for the points you make. This gives your essay depth and helps the reader understand your reasoning.
task achievement
Your essay should explicitly address why each viewpoint is held and the implications of each, before clearly stating your own viewpoint and backing it up with solid reasoning and specific examples. This makes your essay comprehensive and convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.