The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. What extent Do you Agree or Disagree ??

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Nowadays, the rate of
crimes
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
increased all around the world.
Due to
this
situation, individuals argue the causes of
crimes
. Some people argue the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
should control the amount of
violence
in
films
and on
television
in order to decrease the violent
crimes
in society. In my opinion,
violence
in
films
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
influenced by the life of humans and
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
should control the amount of
violence
in
films
and on
television
.
Firstly
, many people spend
enermous
Correct your spelling
enormous
time on
television
.
Therefore
,
films
and
television
series should pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
their content. Especially, children could be influenced by movies.
Thus
, they should decrease the
crimes
of violent.
For instance
, in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, a young adult
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
watched
movie
Add an article
a movie
the movie
show examples
which has
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
and he attacked
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
school
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
he said ' I was watching
this movies
Change the determiner
this movie
these movies
show examples
I made
decision
Add an article
the decision
a decision
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
attack.'
Secondly
, recently, a lot of
films
have vi
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task achievement
Ensure to fully develop your essay by providing a more detailed and conclusive framing of your argument. Consider exploring the topic from multiple angles to enrich your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could be greatly improved by focusing on the organization and flow of ideas. Try to logically connect your paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use linking phrases effectively.
task achievement
To enhance your essay’s effectiveness, consider incorporating a balanced view by acknowledging opposing viewpoints. This will not only strengthen your argument but also demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The inclusion of an effective conclusion that summarizes your main points and states your final stance clearly would improve the overall completeness of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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