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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows the average annual fees for students to get their master's degree in three different countries in 2007.

The table below shows the average annual fees for students to get their master's degree in three different countries in 2007.
The table compares the average annual postgraduate subject
expenses
Use synonyms
 of us
dollars
Use synonyms
 in three countries in five
aspects
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 of arts, business, computing, science and accommodation with meals in the year 2007. As the table illustrates, the postgraduate subject
expenses
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 of arts, business and computing in
country
Use synonyms
 C were 21,783
dollars
Use synonyms
 respectively, which was the most in the aspect of arts and business.
However
Linking Words
, in the fees of computing postgraduate subjects, it was
country
Use synonyms
 B which spent the most 27,254
dollars
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
 A's
expenses
Use synonyms
 were still the least. When it came to the aspect of science,
country
Use synonyms
 B spent the most fees which were 28,675 in total. Notably,
country
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 A spent an equal number of postgraduate subjects
expenses
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 in both
aspects
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 of computing and sciences.
Then
Linking Words
, in the aspect of accommodation with meals, the highest
expenses
Use synonyms
 were paid by
country
Use synonyms
 C which were 17,345
dollars
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it was
country
Use synonyms
 A which spent the least fees in these five
aspects
Use synonyms
 of subjects,
while
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
 B and
country
Use synonyms
 C both had their focus on the
aspects
Use synonyms
 of computing and science.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenses, dollars, aspects, country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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