Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
A group of
people
present the view that if children
are able to opt for their daily necessities such
as food, clothes and entertainment, they will be arrogant and self-centred people
in the future. However
, others believe that it is crucial for children
to make decisions about everything which has an impact on them. I strongly agree with the latter opinion and my reasons will be given in the following paragraphs.
On the one hand, some people
justifiably argue that independent children
are more beneficial to their communities as they can handle problems more effectively. From a psychological standpoint, individuals who were more dependent on their parents during childhood may easily be discouraged from combating life difficulties due to
a lack of confidence. This
can result in a society with people
who fail to work properly and efficiently. Furthermore
, research findings confirm that making decisions independently enables children
to develop critical and creative thinking. Consequently
, people
become capable of facing challenging situations. For example
, in Japan, children
are educated to make choices
about their clothes shapes and colours on their own. As a result
of this
education, Japanese adults are able to make decisive decisions in their personal and professional lives.
On the other hand
, another group of people
claim that children
’s choices
should be restricted. They firmly insist that making choices
independently during childhood leads to the upbringing of people
who only care about their own desires. However
, I do not find this
argument convincing as children
who are too reliant on their parents are more likely to experience various failures in their lives. For example
, in Iran, children
are confined to their parents’ attitudes and when they become older cannot live their lives independently.
In conclusion, in my view, independent choices
make children
more confident and help them develop critical and creative thinking. Moreover
, dependency may cause constant failures in daily life.Submitted by maryam.nutrition1988 on
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Introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your opinion and the structure of the essay. You did this well, but further clarification could enhance your score.
Task Response
Balance the discussion of both views evenly before providing a reasoned conclusion. You've done a good job, but try to devote equal space to both perspectives for improved balance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraph structures to link ideas more effectively. This will help your text flow better and improve reader understanding.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. You provided good examples, but adding more or enhancing their details could further strengthen your argument.