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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #features #comparisons
The given line chart shows the rate of population in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
,
Malaysia
, Thailand and Indonesia living in urban areas, in the period of 50 years, and provides predictions for the years 2030 and 2040.
Overall
, what stands out from the graph is that the percentage of the population in all mentioned cities experienced a rising trend,
while
Malaysia
 had the highest increase among other countries. Looking at the details, at the beginning of the period the figure for
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 stood at just above 30 per cent, which was more than others.
In addition
, after that
Malaysia
 had the highest figure with just under 30. By 2020,
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 lost its position, and
Malaysia
 took its place as the most populous country with around 80 per cent of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 population.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 predictions illustrate they both have an upward trend until 2040,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
Malaysia
 is to
be stayed
Change to the active voice
stay
have stayed
show examples
 at the top. As
regard
Fix the agreement mistake
regards
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Thailand and Indonesia, they both had the lowest amount of citizens with under 20%, albeit they witnessed a rise trend until 2020, and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 30 and 50,
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Also
, it is predicted that they are to
be grown
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 to above 40% by
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 year 2040.
Submitted by sindokhtdadjoo2000 on

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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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