IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.

The graph shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.
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The line chart displays activities for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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older people in America in the years 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, 3 out of 5 activities increased dramatically. Theatre consistently dropped year on year,
while
Linking Words
 watching TV increased steadily and
then
Linking Words
 dropped. The first 2 decades had the most significant changes, compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 half. Watching TV was the most popular activity from 1980 to
2000s
Correct article usage
the 2000s
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, until it decreased steadily in the next 10 years compared to hiking, which started
with
Change preposition
at
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 20% and raised four times from
it’s
Replace the word
its
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 initial percentage by the end of the period. Hiking and reading had the same rate in the 1990s. Theatre, which was the second
interesting
Correct quantifier usage
most interesting
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 activity
in
Change preposition
at
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 the start of the period, fluctuated
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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 time and stayed with the lowest percentage just over 40. Reading and surfing the Internet had significant increases in
2010s
Change the article
the 2010s
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, with 60% and 50% respectively. By the end of the
time
Add a comma
time,
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 four out of five activities had
slightly
Change the word
slight
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 or
dramatically
Change the word
dramatic
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 expansions,
while
Linking Words
 only theatre reduced proportion.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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